When words speak...

Miraculous Work

2012-02-03T10:11:00.002+07:00

God is real.

His power is illimitable.

Let me share here what happened.

So my sister broke her tendon tissue at both of her knees months ago and just got operated early January this year. Doctor said after 3 months she should be able to walk normally, but yes, she has to wait for 3 months, disabled. I've seen her struggling to walk and she said it hurts.

Yesterday night a Romo came to our house. My parents met him on a funeral in Surabaya. This Romo was going for Jakarta for a day and my parents invited him to stay at our place for the night.

He saw my sister and offered to pray for healing miracle for my sister. He prayed to God and touched my sister's knees. My sis said it felt like her heart beat just transferred into her knees. She could feel the beating and no more hurt afterwards. Romo told her to stand up and walk and she could walk properly like a normal person would. She could climb the stairs with confidence.

I went home and found her all smiling and I saw her walking confidently with my own bare eyes and I was speechless.

God can use anyone, anytime, and anywhere.

This is so match with the scripture I read yesterday in 1 Corinthian which noted that we'll be surprised by God's favor.

Praise The Lord!

*ps. he prayed for me this morning as well. He told me I have good eyes, sharp eyes and he said I'm good. He prayed so God would take away my weaknesses and darkness from me and fill me with God's light. Thanks God, starting on today I won't browse the net for horoscopes anymore ;P..Drinking with friends.. I'll just drink normally but not crazy like I used to. I'm sorry God if I ever made You dissappointed in me. I'm changing and I want You to guide me.

The Giant and Me

2012-02-01T15:59:00.001+07:00

Dear Blog,

Last Sunday I went to Church and Giant was in charge as the manager making sure that everything is according to procedure. I was late and didn’t know who to sit with.

So as I stepped in into the hall, I saw a few of my cell mates and they suggested me to sit at the front. Then as I walked to the front, Giant suddenly pulled my hair gently and said hi.

I told him I had no idea where to sit and who’s gonna sit beside me and he said he’s gonna sit next to me. So he put his papers straightaway beside my seat. The other guy – my cell mate also said he’s gonna accompany me and put his jacket next to me. So I’m squeezed between two giant dudes.

I was standing alone for few minutes until they came and sat with me. As soon as Giant sat, he said “You smell nice.” And gave me a smile. Giant also said “To me you’re the prettiest” and stuffs like “I think we should go on a date.” “You know you’re so good at putting me down and I’m not gonna give up on you.”

After church service, we all waited outside, my cell members wanted to go to this mall and Giant was supposed to go with them, but he ended up saying he’s too lazy to drive and so yeah we had early dinner together, just the two of us and he treated me. I didn’t go with them coz I was killing time before meeting my other friend at some other place in about 1 hour.

From church to restaurant downstairs he kept on bugging me like playing with my hair and stuff. He did that infront of my other cell mates and he didn’t care. Even at church he’d grab my right hand if he had the chance and pretended like he wanted to eat my hand. After church service he played with my hair as well infront of our cell leader..he’s very straightforward.

Anyway, he sat next to me during dinner and put his arm around my chair’s back. It was weird, I thought he’s gonna sat infront of me..I was like..so this is a date huh, we were just talking about it last night and that Sunday..and who knew his wish was granted that day!

So off I went to other mall and met my other friends.

He was such a sweet Giant..he already has a girlfriend tho.. So no matter how sweet he’s to me, I only see him as a sweet friend, and nothing more than that. I’m not gonna even try and flirt with him.

He was on air this morning and I got the chance to watch him hosted. He’s pretty cool there. So I took a picture from the tv screen and sent it to our cell group blackberry group. Good on him, I think he did a good job.

I’m still standing strong, but what I’m scared of is..if he keeps on being all that sweet to me, he might have my knees getting weaker and I’m scared I might fall later.

I’m still a little numb from my past romance..but geez, this Giant is such a sweet talker! I’m scared.

I can even write this much about him..I guess I just like it when he’s being sweet to me..I just like the sensation of having someone as famous and charming as him ..liking a shortie girl like me.

Thursday Gaga

2012-01-20T18:34:00.003+07:00

What happened yesterday was very interesting..

Giant Guy was being very sweet to me yesterday..this flirty good looking dude whom I don't really like was acting really sweet and I actually bought half of whatever he did and said.

What turned me off was the fact he already has a girlfriend and there's no way I'm coming in the middle.

He was defending me when I was bullied by this dude..
He was quite upset when I told him I was bullied by this mid-east man in the lift..

So this mid-east guy looked at me while we're waiting for the door into the lift area to be openned. We both didn't have the access.. He was huge.. he has 2 other guy friends, they looked like gangsters.. Anyway, I got into the same lift and there were many people but they all got off at 18, and left only me to lvl 23 and him to lvl 32. From 18 to 23, he tried to talk me into going to his room.. damn it man..i told him i don't speak indo yet he insisted of asking me to be his indo tutor..wth..ofcourse I know what he 'wanted'!

I ran as soon as I reached lvl 23 to my friend's room. I was shaking.. as I openned the door everyone warm welcome me but I was shaking.. It was scary..

Giant was in the room. After meeting, he asked me what happened so I just blurted it all out and I didn't realize much that he was stroking my hair as I spoke. Only after I finished I realized he's still stroking my hair infront of everyone, so I pushed his arm away.

I wouldn't lie that it felt comfortable. Oh man..it was one scary experience in the lift..

When we're going down waiting for the lift, giant also punched his fist 3x onto the wall..showing how upset he was, prolly imagining the bastard bullying me.

It felt good that he showed he cared.. But dude, got gf alredy..mehh.. I'll just see it as a big bro taking after his lil sis..that'll do.

He was defending me the whole day from bullies..including from Mr Big Bro.. Such a sweet guy.

My Diet Plan and A Little Bit of Everything

2012-01-18T10:11:00.003+07:00

Today! I'm meeting my 7PM band..*looking forward for this!

Uluyu's done and now just have to wait for Nno's quote and prototype progress..yeheyy!

Love life: Interesting. Hard for me to fall in love, so much to consider. Not saying I'm perfect..but I guess I'm like a hard nut to crack.once I let someone in, it's hard to let go. So Guetta feat Fergie - Gettin Over You <== is quite me.

Goal by the end of this month: Loose 2kg.
Started off at 51.5kg, today at 51.1kg, and it's 18th Jan..Hopefully by 31st, it's 49.1kg

Eating Plan:
Morning - fruits only
Lunch - Office as usual
Dinner - GO gaga during weekend only.
Usual Dinner - just eat a handful of snacks. That's all.

I hope by Friday I could get to 50.5kg or at least by Saturday morning 50.5kg.
I'll be buffetting on Saturday, so might rise again..damn it.

Well I have to reach 49.5 at least by end of month..that's the max weight..>.<.. can I make it >.<

Writing Down My Plans

2012-01-13T14:16:00.002+07:00

Dear Blog,

I think it's about time to write down my plan for this year although I had written it down in my agenda.

My aim is to learn lots of money, this year I'm aiming to reach at least double the salary I got from this firm I'm working at.

January Plan:
Get 7PM going for demo recording
Get Uluyu prototyped
Get design project for my friend's dad factory
Get auditioned for singer position at church
Soft Launching Desserts Department before CNY

February Plan:
Get 7PM gigs
Uluyu in Progress
Desserts Department promo for Valentine's Day
Freelance in the house!
Quit Job! Time to move on!

March Plan:
Can't wait for more fun and dynamics months and years ahead!!! Perhaps meeting that someone special this year ;)

I sent our cupcakes samples to two different groups and most of them like it i guess..I hope this is all going well, God, if you said yes, the favor is in da house!

Wagyu Night Bday

2012-01-06T10:54:00.002+07:00

Dear Bloggie,

I was so happy last night my cell group friends gave me a surprise bash :).

They didn't let me pay my portion, and this Just Giant just kept ordering food for me to finish. I love sweet stuffs, they're good!

I shall do something in return for them.. Perhaps I should bake Lapis Surabaya for them next week :).

Finished up at 11.30ish pm, they waited all that long for me and I'm so touched..

Thank you God for these wonderful people around me.

This year has been really good so far. I'm loving my birthday moments this year :)).

Such A Special Day : )

2012-01-04T14:27:00.001+07:00

It’s my birthday today and I’m feeling like ": ) "

So many best wishes from family and friends and they’re keeping my mood happy all day so far : )

I’m feeling extra special today, so,

Thank You, God : )

Please bless them with wisdom, kindness, good health, success, and loads of love.

: )

I'm gonna celebrate it in the hospital with my sis ..This is probably one of the most interesting birthday I've ever had =P

How Wonderful :)

2011-12-20T10:22:00.003+07:00

I'm curently involved in this uluyu project as the product designer.

It was such a great joy to learn that the uluyu team , all 15 of them loved my design when I sent it yesterday morning. He said my design lifted up the marketing-team spirit and put them on high morale.

Reading his bb and email complementing my design really made my day :).

I never knew design could do such wonderful thing to people.
I never knew my design could impact 15 people.. impacting the company's team in a positive sense.

I feel like I'm worth something.

What I learnt is:
Quit worrying about yourself ( i mean it's okay to worry sometimes..)
Help others with their issues (and yes you're not only doing them favor but you're doing yourself a favor)

And it made me feel like a million bucks..it gets me even excited for this project.

Although the design pressure is all mine, but I'm doing my best to not let them down, to make this project a success and to be like the deaf frog who ended up winning the game because it just went bold to the finish line.

How wonderful :)

Make Him Regret..

2011-12-15T14:14:00.003+07:00

It's true that you don't know what you have until you lose it..

But I do wish I could turn back time and erase all the things I said to him..

I wish I could back even further so I could guard my heart and not let it fall..

But nothing can be changed..the past is now a memory I cannot erase..

Nothing can be done about it..

So I'm crushing the bridges behind me and moving forward..

My good friend told me I don't have to find someone as his replacement...

I just have to live my life, make him regret he let me go...

Make him regret..hmm..

Although I haven't been as happy as I used to when I was with him...

But I'll live my life as if with/without him doesn't matter and doesn't make any huge difference (although it actually did).

I still wonder whether he misses me or not..

But I believe God is preparing me someone, maybe not now..now isn't the right time..

Maybe one day when we meet each other, I'd be wise enough not to repeat the same mistake..

:)

My goal for now is to : loose weight, pretty-up myself, be productive everyday, find a new job (I think I'd do this one pretty soon), pray so God will send me 'the one' sometime next year ;P

If it's not beautiful, it's not the end

2011-12-09T12:08:00.003+07:00

Sometimes I don't understand why things ended up the way they did..
Sometimes I don't understand why I did the things I did..
Sometimes I don't understand why I said the things I said..

But what I do understand is that every experience, every person God puts in my life..is to prepare me for the future only He can see.

And if it's not beautiful, it's not the end.

It friggin hurts

2011-12-02T15:49:00.001+07:00

The end.

You.

2011-11-16T17:44:00.002+07:00

You made smile when you said you missed me this afternoon…

It kinda made my day…

I feel so stupid and helpless..

I don’t know what spell you put unto me..

After talking to my cousin yesterday…

She put me into a new perspective..Good on her!

She made me realize that I should put myself in your shoes…

It’s not easy being you..

You’ve been holding up your head,standing strong through trials and triumphs…

At such a young age, you’ve been holding a really big responsibility…

A lot of people are relying on you…

You have to make a lot of decision ..big decisions..

I’m trying to understand you..

I guess I’ve been so selfish that I want you to be like what I want you to be..

While I should’ve been more mature than that…

Although I still think it’s kinda unfair because I still feel like you’re tagging me..

But..

I’ll be patient and understanding …

I hope everything turns out beautiful for both of us..whatever that might be…

Where Are We Going..

2011-11-15T14:04:00.000+07:00

I like it when you get a little jealous

I like it when you get a little possessive

But where are we going ..seriously.. (-_-)

You get jealous..you get possessive..

But we’re not even in a relationship

Where are going..seriously…(-_-)

What's up with you?

2011-11-08T09:29:00.002+07:00

I don't understand you lately..
You're different from the way you were last week..
You started texting me again..
You started texting me good morning this morning...
You called me again this morning...

Just about time when I'm training myself to let you go..

I don't get that excitement anymore when you called me..
Instead of happiness I feel sadness..
I guess I'm a little numb...

I tried to laugh and be cheerful as usual..but I couldn't..
If you ask me whether I like you as much as last week? No I don't...
I'm trying to let you go
I've been building up walls to cover myself..but now you're back to the way you were 2 weeks ago..

What's up with you?

Grab a Beer and Do myself a Favor

2011-11-07T11:46:00.006+07:00

Weekend was lovely but you're the only one occupying my mind...
Until I've arrived to this stage where I'm telling myself I'm gonna be a cold-blooded girl this week..

A friend of mine told me an inspiring story of my love life right now = train crash.
Sooner or later the train is going to hit me, so what am I gonna do? While I have no other option but standing on the track waiting for it to hit me, am I gonna spend the time I have left worrying? Or am I gonna grab a chair, a beer and chill; have a good time while I can until it comes.
So, I'm choosing to grab a beer and enjoy myself instead of worrying.
When it hits me then boom.. at least I didn't waste my time worrying too much..At least, I did myself a favor..

Well you texted me last night..and it was a cute conversation we had..
You mentioned about wanting to hang out with me this week..
I cannot lie to myself that I do wish you'd confirm to me sometime this week that we're going somewhere this weekend..
I cannot lie to myself that I do wish you could be the way you were back 2 weeks ago when we haven't had any religious discussion..
As much as I wanted to say hi to you..
I've promised myself and to my dear friend that I'm not going to text you first this week..

You said to me sleeptight and sweetdreams..I said to you goodnight right on the same minute but up until now you haven't read it..still delivered but not read..Maybe you've read it..I don't know..
I can't help myself but to check my blackberry every now and then and wished you've read my last message..

I'm battling with myself..
I'm trying to let you go slowly..
What this week's going to bring..I don't know..
I'm trying to be a cold-blooded, I'm not letting my emotion controls my action...
I'm trying to grab a beer and do myself a favor..

This guy called GIANT

2011-11-03T17:35:00.005+07:00

This guy, is friggin annoying..

He calls me his pet..

Calls me smurfette..

Calls me kiddo..

So I call him GIANT...

And what more…

He said I’m his type..

I said "Nice try"

He replied "I'm serious"

I asked again "Is this one of your practical jokes?"

And so he replied "I'm serious bout saying you're my type."

He said he like me all that..

But to him, I’m still his pet..

What the?

I ask him does he flirt to a lot of girls?

He laughed and said “Not really..Only to the cute one.”

I said “I think you’re missing an ‘s’ after ‘one’ “

He then said “Only one means you.”

Okay…

He said “U r mine!”

He said he’ll come to my house since I was sick..

I said “Don’t make me dare you!”

He replied “Don’t make me kiss you.”

This guy got me so confused..zzz

Yes I've Been A Fool

2011-11-02T17:01:00.001+07:00

What a fool

Yes I’ve been a fool

To let myself run into you

What a man

Could come into my world

And care to me like I’ve never been cared before

You’ve made me idle

My world starts to revolve around you

You’ve made me idle

I can’t move on unless I’m with you

What have you done

What part is it

That glued me so much to you

I’m still questioning, yes until now I don’t understand myself

They try to make me stay away from you

I bet they do the same to you

I wish we could just leave that one issue alone

Put it in a box, lock it forever, and throw it away, far , far away

Then we can be together…

Maybe I have to be smart

Although I’ve always been a fool

Whenever you’re around

But maybe I have to be smart

Reaching out for other hands

Letting myself fall into their arms

Because you’re keeping me in suspense

You’re keeping me in anxiety

But I’ll treasure every moment I have with you

You have been the reason why I’ve been smiling

As if the flowers blossom all year long

If in deed we’re not meant to be together

I’ll let my tears fall onto the paths we’ve travelled

To mark how a fool once and for the last time, travelled the path full of bitter sweet memories

Yes, she's been a fool.

Sampai Kapan

2011-11-01T15:24:00.006+07:00

Indah yang kita rasakan sampai hari ini

Membuat hari-hariku penuh dengan senyuman

Membuatku mengucap syukur pada Yang Kuasa aku bisa mengenalmu, bisa dekat denganmu

Tapi sampai kapan kau menggantungku...

Seakan aku kan terus bersabar menanti

Seakan aku kan terus ada disini untukmu

Sampai kapan kau kan terus berfikir

Apakah hubungan ini untuk selamanya

Kau bilang jangan melihat yang lain

Kau bilang khawatir kehilangan aku

Namun sampai kapan kau kan terus berdalih

Menggantungku disini

Disaat mulai ada yang lain memperhatikanku

Haruskah ku beritahu dirimu

Waktumu hampir habis, sayangku

Haruskah kumengabaikan permintaanmu dan melihat yang lain

Memang kita berbeda keyakinan

Hanya itu satu kendala tiada yang lain

Tapi untukku, cinta sejati seperti mencari berlian diantara banyaknya butiran pasir gurun

Takkan kulepas begitu saja

Kan ku buat semuanya memutar bersumbu pada sang cinta

Hal ini memang sulit

Hal ini memang menyangkut prinsip

Tapi tidak bisakah kau dan aku bersama bersumbu pada cinta dan bukan agama

Mungkin lebih baik untukku tidak mencarimu lagi...

Supaya kamu sadar aku tidak selamanya kan ada disini untukmu..

Mungkin lebih baik aku melihat yang lain...

Supaya kamu sadar aku tidak harus mengikuti skenario misteriusmu.

Friday the 28th

2011-10-28T12:02:00.004+07:00

Today, we have a mass of crowd demonstrating and hopefully they don't create chaos later on in the day.. The sky is grey and looks like it's going to shower today , so hopefully the rain's going to fall sometime today before I got off from office.

Yesterday I had a superb 2 cups of hot chocolate, home-made by a dear friend, and it was haven~
The cream, the milk, the cocoa, the smell, they're slurpy nyummy~

It's kinda weird how I sometimes find myself not really missing him that much sometimes.. But when I do get to see him, I miss him all of a sudden.. It's so hard to say goodbye..

I'm going to make him some strawberry pudding tomorrow and hopefully he likes it ~.. We're planning to watch movie and dinner..What should I wear? Hmmm..

Since the plan's cancelled today, I might just do some exercise tonight, trying to get in shape (sigh~) :P

Hmm..a re cap on what's going on yesterday.. it was kind of romantic I guess..
He texted me first thing in the morning by sending me the first half of I'm Yours - Jason Mraz lyrics.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell down through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out
I'd be giving it my bestest
But nothing's goin to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate
No more No more
It cannot wait, I'm yours.

And I replied him with the lyrics from Fallin for you - Colbie Calliat ;P

He's such a sweetie xD

Don't Know Why

2011-10-12T10:34:00.002+07:00

Dear Blog,

He sang to me again yesterday..and as upon his request, I sang for him as well.. and the first song I sang for him was Norah Jones' Don't Know Why. This morning he texted me saying how his heart melted when I sang that song for him. :P

He might not have the best male-voice in the world, but when he sang for me, I couldn't help myself but to smile :)

Last night was kinda romantic ;)

How could I fall for him this quick?

I don't know why I like this guy a lot...
I don't know why the more I listen to his voice the more I like him..

One Sweet Monday~

2011-10-10T16:00:00.003+07:00

Gradually falling in love with this guy..
Gradually getting comfortable near this guy..
Saturday evening, Sunday evening..

Now came Monday..Not so sour Monday..
Missing each other's company...
Feelings have been expressed in one long sweet conversation..
Both were smiling from happiness..

It's a sweet, sweet Monday..
For love is in the air.

Friday Mood

2011-10-07T18:40:00.002+07:00

As soon as I got home yesterday evening, skipping cell group, I went straight to shower then bed.. Oh my goodness, I was really tired I couldn't do anything else but sleep...

Today might be similar.. we'll see..

It's just that my neighbouring staff is catching flu and I'm sitting right next to him..no cubicle no nothing.. and I'm just scared if it's transfered successfully.. OH please don't!!!

I've been eating my daily multivitamin, and hopefully I don't get sick.

He's coming back to Jakarta tomorrow :)

怎么解决。。

2011-10-05T12:23:00.002+07:00

我不知道怎么解决我的爱情的事儿。。。

星期日，我们俩睡不着。。。我发誓自己不要宪法给他短信。。。
星期一，我的心还是疼。。。我们没有什么联系。。。
星期二，草上他发给我短信。。他告诉我很抱歉让我生气。。他不想我对他有什么误会。。他也告诉我跟他的女朋友已经分手了。。所以我们能继续一起出去玩儿。。。

我高兴时高兴。。但是我真想知道他为什么那么容易根女朋友分手。。有什么草稿的事儿呀？
星期三，我的朋友告诉我，我应该小心一点。。
哎，我也不知道怎么能让我的心peaceful..
我也不能骗自己。。。对他有兴趣。。不能那么容易丢掉。。。

今天。。　我不要现发给他短信。。让他发给我。。哎呀。。怎么解决。。。

我真不知道他是什么样的人。。　但是为什么已经感兴趣呢？

心疼

2011-10-03T12:57:00.001+07:00

为什么我就是最后的人才发现你还跟你的女朋友在一起。。

为什么我就是最笨的人爱上了你。。

为什么现在我不能停想着你。。

为什么。。

为什么你对我好像没有女朋友的男生。。。

如果你喜欢我，为什么怎么能骗我。。

怎么那么能在黑妹放到你跟他的照片。。看你们俩我心真疼。。

你告诉我你们的关系很复杂。。你要在印尼马上解决你的事情。。但是。。

我不想当第三者，你知道吗？我不是那样的女人。。

我以为我终于找到了其奈的男生。。。但我错了。。。

我对你干了兴趣。。你对我也那样。。　

但我们不能继续怜爱。。。我不想在你们的中间。。真不想当第三者。。

虽然我喜欢你。。　

你为什么对我这样。。　

我的心里面真疼你知道吗？

如果今天他不愿意发给我短信，选了吧

2011-10-02T12:22:00.001+07:00

it hurts..

2011-10-02T12:20:00.000+07:00

;)

2011-10-01T22:50:00.002+07:00

No more annoying ;)

Annoying

2011-10-01T18:30:00.001+07:00

已经过了4 多个小时，他还没回发给我短信。。真的讨厌。。。

我已经等一等好久。。很想他。。但没回发给我。。讨厌的要命！

如果今晚也还没回答，明天我不要离他。。！！

Apart by Seas

2011-09-30T12:06:00.004+07:00

Dear Blog,

He's off to Sydney for this weekend and Melbourne..Then next Saturday he's coming back to Jakarta.. I'm a little sad.. coz I kind of miss him already...

Wondering what he's doing right now.. he's probably in bed sleeping...or having late lunch with his family...

So,

Yesterday afternoon I initiated to send him a picture of pete - one of his favourite food..and straight after he replied saying he was about to text me as well.. And he said he's eating meatballs..and it reminded him of me :) . Last time we talked on the phone, I told him I like to cut them into tiny little pieces before I chew them..And he tried it yesterday, and he liked it my way ;P.

Last thing he said to me was "C u later beautiful woman :) " .. although to me it does sound a little weird.. the 'woman' could've been deleted ;p.

He said he's gonna watch Green Lantern and Pirates of The Caribbean with me next week.. and he said he's gonna bring me yummy cupcakes from Melbourne :D

Is he gonna text me sometime today? I wonder...

Ah shyt.. I like this guy ;p

Progress So Far..

2011-09-28T17:31:00.004+07:00

Dear Blog,

We've ben contacting each other everyday..and lately he's been calling me sometimes at night time, sometimes in the morning.. We said good night, sleep tight, and sweet dreams to each other.. We went out three times ..that's once every week.

Last time we went out was Sunday evening. We went to Px and had Tony Roma's for dinner. That was also the first time he visited my house. That was also the time when we shared our first Salad because we're both actually quite full. ;P

Yesterday he texted me saying how sad that he's leaving for 2 weeks.. and he's missing me. He was sad that I couldn't go watch movie with him yesterday because I had to lead Praise&Worship @ Cell Group..

I don't know, but I think he's cute. ;P
Not physically cute..but attitude wise, he's just cute..
So totally opposite with his physical appearance. He's like.. tall, broad shoulder, cool-serious type..but he's actually...........hmm..cute xD

We're not an item.. I don't know whether we're gonna be an item.. But I'm quite comfortable at where I am right now with him...

Geez, everyone's leaving this week!! My mum, my good friends, and him! zzzz.. :(

He hasn't texted me today.. Guess he's busy..Coz he's leaving tomorrow :(

Shut..I'm starting to like him...

2011-09-24T18:09:00.002+07:00

This is crazy..

It definitely wasn't attraction at first sight..

I thought I might give it a go with this guy.. he's been giving signs.. and I was just replying them with a 'gambling' touch.. Wasn't that attracted..but I thought I'd play along..

And only now I realize..I've been actually setting fire for myself...

I'm starting to crave for his attention..
I'm starting to crave for his messages...
I'm starting to feel jealous...

Yes, shut, I'm starting to like him... !!!

Today~

2011-09-23T10:33:00.003+07:00

It's been ages since i haven't written anything here..

First shocking news: my uncle passed away last week.. he was a good man..R.I.P dear uncle.

Well.. I've been working in this interior consultant firm foro about 2 months ++..umm what else..

I had my first tipsy nite in Jakarta, like 2 weeks ago..

I'm still with my band, we finally have a bassist..yay! And we're clear on concept. Yay!

I'm currently "dating" with this dude..We're having a movie nite tonight.. and prolly gonna meet up again this coming Sunday..We've been texting each other everyday as well.. and I don't know where we're going , but I'm letting God writes my love story..So, we'll see~

But i'm sad that a good friend of mine is going back to Beijing.. :( .. but it's for his goodness.. So this Saturday is like a farewell Saturday..

Umm..

I've also attended two fellowship meetings.. I kinda need them because I'd pretty much been spiritually drained in Beijing and I need to get back on my feet. I need to be infused.

And now i'm at work..sleepy~.. Kind of can't wait for tonight tho.. I wished I could skip till 6pm..then I'd just have an hour of work and off for my Friday nite movie ;P

Skin Allergic Reaction

2011-08-10T16:12:00.002+07:00

So yesterday I had this skin allergic reaction..it's pretty bad..I guess the virus pretty nailed it!

I was supposed to met up with a bunch of lovely friends when the allergy reacted.. So I had to cancel it :( ..

Went to the doctor .. got injected :~( , prescripted a number of medicines and now I'm at home writing blog.

My boss was so considerate by letting me rest at home today. I'm gonna go back to work tommorow, it's just red dots now and there's not a lot, so I guess I should be alright by tmmorow morning.

The cause might be seafood.. well anyhow, I'm supposed to avoid any trace of seafood this week.. banned banned banned..sad sad sad.. because that means I wouldn't be able to eat Dori , Codd.. ah shut! I just had Salmon. (-___________-)

Working Life

2011-08-01T22:07:00.001+07:00

Working Life is.. well.. partly interesting, partly tiring!!!

My social life is close to nihil eversince I started working..

Ouh... and about that firm ..yes I'm working there right now :)) ... God trully is so good to me

However, it's just too far.. far away from where I live in Jakarta..

Although my boss is a uniquely creative person, someone whom I can learn a lot from, but I don't think I can stay there forever.. The one and a half hour drive from my house to the office and from office to my house .. is just taking a toll on me.. I need to socialize.. I still need to spend time with my family...

But in the meanwhile I guess I'll just stay till end of year and gain as much as possible. I'll contribute my best to the company, earn some money, and damn it feels great to earn my very own money :D

Oh..i just facebook chat with a few friends of mine.. and it was bewildering to know that they're still @ the office! crazy! So I guess it's not just me..it's not just my boss who's being a workaholic..

GOSH.

Welcome to the real world I guess!!

Jakarta So Far...

2011-07-23T23:43:00.003+07:00

The cold war is still going on..

Me? Just had work interview yesterday, hai yao deng yi deng jieguo..

Mingtian ne? xiang qu jiaotang..zai na ge guoji de jiaotang yu zhongxin na bian..

...

Okay..

So far.. bohring (-_-")

Oh..an addition..

I keep having these weird dreams lately.. they're so random but they're making me really anxious... Hmmm...

I wonder if those dreams have hidden meanings...like my other dreams..We'll see..if I still remember them by next week, then they might be are something.

...hmmm mhmhmhmhmhmmm~

Dead Meat

2011-07-14T22:46:00.002+07:00

Uh Oh Uh Oh Uh Oh

Now that I'm back in Jakarta.. he's haunting my mind! shut!!!

这个是不可以`的！！！
太突然吧！
我以前对他没有兴趣。。但为什么回国以后又感兴趣呢？？

北京。。最后一天。。。

2011-07-07T21:12:00.000+07:00

The day has come..

I’m leaving Beijing tomorrow…

I’m really really sad…

We went to Tairyo, hangout in Starbucks then to Xiu Club, then back home making video ..crying..

It’s been a few days I couldn’t sleep well…

And my cough + blocked nose have not gone…

And soon I’m meeting up with my lovely bunch of friends eating the famous JingMao Thai Satay…

Ahhh..this is too sad.

Summer Flu

2011-07-02T13:15:00.002+07:00

I hate it..
I hate when the raindrops fell on my head...
Because it means...Flu is on its way..
I hate when the throat also begins to complain...
What did I drink and what did I eat that have been hurting it?
I'm sorry throat
But the raindrops wasn't my fault, and wasn't part of my ignorance

I hate the summer flu
It's weekend and I'm having a flu

Meh!

今天我是一个懒驴。。。

2011-06-26T16:19:00.001+07:00

明天要考试。。。
我的最后的级末考试。。
但是我感觉这么懒。。不想学习。。不想干什么。。。

我明知明天有考试，又要现在当懒驴。。。

我的朋友们正在零号楼咖啡厅学习。。。
我在家里打字博客。。。

懒驴，懒驴。。。
今天我是一个懒驴。。。

I Am Not Forgotten

2011-06-23T20:23:00.003+07:00

Yesterday evening I just received an email from this interior firm which I applied over a year ago... And long story cut short, I was shocked.. and still am shocked, surprised, or however you say it, I feel like butterflies in my tummy.. I keep saying to myself "Someone like me? God, You must be kiddin' me. This is a dream!" Then my sister pinched me and it hurt real bad.. and she said to me "To prove to you that it isn't a dream!"

There's a line in the email which synchronize with a dream I had about last year..It's another premunition for me..

Lord Jesus Christ, You have not forgotten me .. Thank You , Lord :)

Here in Beijing, I've been listening to You Are Not Forgotten by Israel and New Breed, and I love the lyrics, so uplifting, so encouraging, and it definitely has strengthened me. :))

You Are Not Forgotten Key of G
By Israel & The New Breed (feat. Jonny Lang)

People walking by very seldom they say hi
They don’t know how wonderful you are
If they only knew all the things you’ve been through
If only they can see your heart

** I hear you crying for help
Please don’t blame yourself
You are not forgotten, you are not forgotten

When it’s time to go to sleep
And you try your best to keep yourself from falling apart
There’s no need to fear because I’m already here
And I’m the one who see’s your heart **

Bridge
You are not just a face in the crowd
You are not a forgotten child
Let me whisper in the light
I love you, oh I love you

You can hold your head up high cause I’ll make everything alright
I’m committed to you smiling again yeah
And eventually you see people similarities
Everyone just needs a friend
And when they’re crying for help
You’ll be able to tell …them
Please tell them for Me
You are not forgotten, You are not forgotten (things are gonna get much better)
You are not forgotten, You are not forgotten (you're gonna smile again)

You're my friend
Just in Me
I’m the One I'm the One who sees your heart
you are not forgotten

You're my precious to me
I'm the One..

Not forgotten no no

Just remember you are not forgotten

You are not forgotten

Blakc is Back

2011-06-21T22:37:00.001+07:00

I coloured my hair black.. BLAKC is BACK!!! wahoooooO~

The hairstylist was cute, the colour's awesome, the smell's nice, the cut is lovely..

I'm loving the new me ;D

I'm begging time to slow down..... :(

2011-06-19T17:56:00.000+07:00

Why am I so sad today..
I had a friend came and visit me this weekend and we had heaps of fun.. While we were eating dimsum at around 4am in the morning, we could see the changing rays of sky across the window pane. As the sky turned bright this dawn, my heart suddenly saddened by the fact that he’s leaving soon in less than 4 hours time.. the weekend is almost over, and this semester is coming to an end.. Time has been running too fast and I’m not ready for it…
Our Friday Schedule: The Summer Palace – Beijing University – Westin – Houhai – Olympic Park – 1949 Duck d’Chine – KTV – Sanlitun and North Village.
Our Saturday Schedule : JinMaDaSha – BLCU Muslim Restaurant – Hard Rock Café – Westin – 798 – The Place – Lan Bar – KTV – JinDingXuan.
The schedule was tight, and my friend was pretty annoying, kept on bullying me for ‘I-don’t know-why’ reasons…but kind of brought back Perth memories… So sad .. And his brother who has been a good friend of mine here in Beijing was also leaving.. Today’s morning would be my last time hanging out with him in Beijing as I’m going back for good as well this coming July.. No July.. I don’t want you to come so fast.. 
I don’t want to pack..
I’m begging time to please slow down…  

Thursday Fun

2011-06-19T17:49:00.000+07:00

I had a great day on Thursday. Cooked Indonesian food for a number of my besties here. There were Mie Goreng Jawa (with coriander), Chicken Curry, Tomato Cucumber Salad, and Fruit Salad for dessert. We had to prepare from around 4pm .. I cried in the afternoon while cutting the red onion..lolz..Anywayz, I made them all hot chocolate – SwissMiss French Vanilla – then we watched together –Coming Soon - . My friend was in it :D So, we watched it together and everyone went home at around 1am. The next morning, I was about to meet my old friend from Perth 

My Key.

2011-06-08T14:02:00.000+07:00

My Key.

I know I’m not so “young” anymore as some people said to me.. “go get yourself a partner” or “ you should open up yourself” or “You shouldn’t be too picky, you’re not that perfect either”.."time's running up, Agnes!"

Sorry to disappoint all of you.. but I'm quite a rock-headed on this matter.

I do feel jealous and envious when I see friends holding hands with their partners..and I do sometimes wish I could be like them..holding hands, all getting cozy and romantic.. But I have this one big issue when dealing with guys. And for me, this is a very important, a number one, a MUST requirement.

No, I don’t look for perfection in my future-partner.
But, Yes, I do look for perfection in the chemistry between us.

I can't force myself to like some guy.. No matter how much he earns...no matter how well-mannered he is... no matter how good-looking he is.. If I can't click with him..I just.. can't.

I can't pretend to be someone else. I can't pretend to be the loveliest, friendliest, most mature girl in the planet, can I ? I don't like pretending that much..

Oh well.. dear me...

I’m such a complicated and such a difficult human being to deal with, but at least, I hope I am an honest person.

This little heart right here probably has the weirdest shape, abstract colors, and has the strangest lock. But I believe every heart is unique and has its own particular key. I guess I just haven’t found my key :p

Saturday Night Dinner on Fire

2011-05-29T14:12:00.002+07:00

Okay,
So this week has really been a big week for me..an interesting week for sure~

So yesterday we were out to Hai Dian area to this restaurant calledThe Middle 8th Restaurant. It serves fine Yunnan cuisine. Bie di le, the cuisine was delicious! It has that sweetness to it and I like it :) .. We were late tho..

Our dearest friend who organized it wasn't really organized.. haha..so we went there and started our dinner by 9pm.. We ordered 9 dishes. By the time we nearly finished our 8th dish, smoke started to appear leaking from the pipes above us. Uh Oh!!!

So we walked downstairs as we wondered how to pay the bills?! Our fish which was meant to be our 9th / last dish had not arrived as well..But oh well, the restaurant was already filled in with smoke...

ANd not long after, the ambulance and police arrived at the scene. We were still waiting outside asking the waiter how we're gonna pay the bill.

Then at the end of the day, they said it's for free.. We didn't have to pay nothing ..Lucky? :P

I guess if we weren't late that night, we would have had paid full price.. I guess, everything happens for reason? haha..

I guess.. thank you God for giving us free Saturday night dinner?

But I hope no one got injured or anything.. and I hope that the restaurant didn't lose so much.. Coz they really have nice interior, nice ambience, and delicious food. I would go back there again if only it's not that far from where I live.. :P

Interesting night in deed..

Now I'm currently watching Despicable Me, while waiting for my fangdong to arrive.

The Singing Contest | Dancing Till Sunrise

2011-05-28T17:07:00.004+07:00

Dear blog

There’s so much to write..I don’t really know where to start…

But the highlight of this May would be.. the singing contest …

So basicly it’s a singing contest for overseas students in UIBE. They hold it once every year. So every class gets to participate..it’s quite a big thing, especially, this year is UIBE’s 60^th year anniversary, so they’re really into it. Anyway, so I represented my class. One student, a few, or the whole bunch can join in ..but my class trusted me to represent our B212 class.

I still remembered how I didn’t know what song to pick… I still remembered how my buddies and I went to karaoke at PartyWorld just to warm up and to pick a song. I also still remembered how I wanted to sing Lao Shu Ai Da Mi, but 2 classes already picked the song, so I gotta chose another one.

I was bloody nervous to the core… I trembled as I sang for the first time in front of my classmates…I couldn’t trust myself. I thought I wouldn’t be able to memorize the lyrics for they’re all in Mandarin. God knows how bad I am in memorizing lyrics. I wasn’t sure of myself. The pressure was exceptionally big.

I prayed and I prayed. I asked my close friends to help me prayer so I wouldn’t get nervous on the stage.. I guess this is the power of Ora Et Labora. J On that big day, my hands were cold, I was so nervous. After class, our 班长, and I went to her room to get ready. Fumi, her roommate helped me with the makeup, my Korean girls – classmates –, especially Eun Hye helped me with the hair. And for the last time I practiced singing in front of them.

I’m on number 9. My classmates were terrific. They’re the best classmates ever! They supported me 100%, they even went to the front near where the judges were, and sat there cheering for me with the blue papers printed my name,加油, and 最棒on them. My homeroom teacher printed them for us. I kept on telling myself “God thank you for the confidence, God thank you for the confidence.” , and so I sang 但愿人长久。

Everyone was quiet as I began singing… I don’t know why, but when I was singing on the stage, I didn’t tremble. I felt this surge of confidence surround me, I felt this calmness within. As I sang I also remembered how the day before, my Cell Group mates prayed for me so I wouldn’t get nervous. They prayed if God allowed so, I would win..But we surrendered all according to God’s will.

There’s an intermezzo in the middle of the song where the music played for about 30min and I didn’t have to sing during that period. My 2 best boy-friends in the class, Shino and Lelepin dressed handsomely came up to the stage and gave me Lily flowers bouquet. They’re so lovely! I was so touched…They said it’s meant to be a secret, they wouldn’t let me know about this giving-flowers secret plan J .

At the end of the day..as the judge began announcing the winners, my classmates went gaga. I won two categories: best performance, and best female. :D . I went gaga, my classmates went gaga, we’re all gagagagagaggagagagagaga~ Only by God’s grace I could win this event J.

On that night, we celebrated our ‘victory’ @ this Japanese buffet restaurant.. God, I love my classmates!!!Affin, my best guy-buddy was also present..Thank you for sparing your precious time, Fin! :P.

So basicly at the end of the day, the lovely smelled Lily bouquet were not fresh anymore, they're about to die.. So as I went home that night, I quickly cut the stems and put them into water bottle..and look how beautiful all of them blossoming :) :)

Dancing Till Sunrise

And last night was also the highlight of this month.. A friend of mine, Ronald invited me to Vics..He booked seats and we had fun!!! My sister and I arrived at Vics at about 11.50ish pm then we were there dancing (and drank a bit) till 5am in the morning. My feet hurt but I felt alive inside ;) . It was such a great night to celebrate the week that had just passed. By the time we went upstairs to the main exit, the sky was bright, and we were like “OMG..look at the sky! It’s morning already!” Was a crazy welcome for Saturday.

It’s already 6pm now.. My head isn’t spinning anymore and I’m listening to True Worshippers “Tuhanku Maha Besar”. God, thank you for every opportunity you’ve given me, thank you for Your constant guidance. Although there are things I still could not fathom, but I know You’re always by my side, I know You have a great plan for me and..God, once again, thank you for Your grace J .

I’m gonna get ready for buffet tonight with my bunch of Indo buddies at Hai Dian..Oh and KungFu Panda 2 is out today!!! Hmm, Oh..darn it, I haven’t checked China Philharmonic Orchestra concert tix for this Wednesday.. I’ll do that after shower.Oh shoot..I also have to send this email to Li Ning my Fudao.. he’s also awesome!! He helped me translated my song into Mandarin :D (His friend actually did it..was so awesome!!!)

This is the best week so far in May. ：）

The Character Building Trip

2011-05-07T07:30:00.003+07:00

Heloo Blog,

I’m gonna write this time, about the trip I just had with my bunch of friends from uni..

So there were 8 of us travelling ..backpackin’ style (^^”)..Our main reason being for the trip was to go to Shaolin Temple (Apparently it’s the only one in China – the true original Shaolin temple - , yep, first ever!)

29/04 : At 5am we all met up in front of our uni’s west gate and off to Beijing Xi Zhan for ZhengZhou. The trip took about 9 hours ride. But it’s still okay, coz we got the best train, ruan zuo, bu zuo! J Everybody’s mood was : HAPPY. Then in the afternoon we arrived in this city called ZhengZhou..well, not too happy about it coz it’s not as good looking as Beijing, the roads were HORRIBLE, the traffic was EVEN MORE HORRIBLE, out of control!!! And it was bloody hot! 33deg.Celcius. We were greeted by this Chinese friend of ours. We found great difficulties in finding taxis. Finally we got into a hei che and really squeezed ourselves in that car.. was freakin’ hot and dry. Then this Chinese friend took us to his friend’s place. We all waited there for hours and hours till evening (while a friend of ours and this Chinese dude organizing the cars for 2morrow). Anyway, but these all weren’t the highlight of that day. In the evening, it was even worse, we were already all so tired, yet we were introduced to this stupid Chinese ZhengZhou “custom” ..it’s about beer stuffs. They said, if the waitress placed fish head facing person A, that means person A ought to drink 2 glasses of beer, and whoever faced the fish’s tail, he’s on the losing side, so he had to drink 3 glasses of beer. I reckon’ it’s so stupid, but we’re fine with it until things got a little ugly. These Chinese dudes really wanted to make us all drunk..stupid! In total, 7 guys drank a total of 45 bottles of beer. CRAZY. And what’s more? The Chinese dude who were supposed to guide us during this supposed-to-be-a-fun-trip, got drunk pretty bad and vomited. EW! By 2am we found ourselves a hostel and stayed there instead of his place.

30/04: Today, right in the morning, we had a little problem with the cars thingo but Toppo got everything under control. Our breakfast was quite interesting as well..Not delicious at all, and it’s like eating while watching the fuwuyuan (waiters and waitresses) snapping flies..LOLz. Then we drove off to this city called Kai Feng. NOTHING SPECIAL. BORING. And in the evening we were shocked by the addition of another 2 people who happened to be this Chinese dude’s friends who wanted to join us. But we weren’t given any notice beforehand, so we were taken back by this situation. We paid for the cars, and they’re just gonna join in without paying anything?No Way. What more? That night, we had a misunderstanding happening between us all..But thankfully, everything was alright in the end.

01/05: This is the day when we decided not to go along with the Chinese dude and his 2 friends. We hired a hei che to Shaolin Temple. The driver hated Japanese so much so that he dared saying that if one of us was a Japanese, he would asked us all to get out of the car. Bloody Hell man, it’s ages ago! The war is over, man! So none of us said we have Japanese amongst us. Oh then, it was raining continuously on the way , at , and from the Shaolin Temple. There’s not much to see in the Shaolin Temple and not much to play around with. But at least, we got to see this Shaolin Performance. I’d say it’s pretty standard, but it was okay. Then at night, we all went for Satay Nite Out to chill out a bit coz it’s our last night in ZhengZhou.

02/05: We missed our train (T________T). It’s supposed to be 12.25, but we were just a little late and couldn’t get in. We had to change tix to “Wu Zuo” train , meaning, ‘NO SEAT / STANDING TICKET”..OH MY GOODNESS.. It was such an experience!!! We originally had 2 choices.. STANDING TICKET or SLEEPING BUS ..meaning a bus with beds in it, but a little more expensive. Why did we choose the bloody standing tickets???? (T_____________T). Anyway, I was lucky enough to get a vacant seat on the train :D hahahaha.. so damn lucky me!! But I felt bad for my other friends who had to suffer seating on a stool / standing for hours on the train aisle…

03/05: Arrived in Beijing safely around 6am-ish.. Then we had difficulties in getting taxies, so again, hei che in the call! Except my sis, we all went for that day’s classes. I was actually quite amazed on how diligent and determined my friends were. They’re really tired from the trip, 9 hours standing on the train, hadn’t had enough sleep, yet still determined to go to class. SALUTE! By 8am I arrived home safely and hurriedly showered and went to class. Was so funny! My 3 classmates bought 3 cups of coffee to keep them awake..Really couldn’t concentrate that day xD.

Anyway the point of the trip’s story is:

- Don’t always trust a Chinese friend..or perhaps, don’t trust others so easily.

- Agent is helpful.

- Research research researchhhh before you wanna go holiday anywhere anytime!

- Chinese culture is surely complicated and interesting!

Somewhere in the middle and a Shaolin Experience

2011-04-29T03:14:00.003+07:00

Hello Blog,

This month is definitely an interesting month.. Not just that I got drunk and went on a short wild ride, but I also went to HuanLeGu and tried some awesome nerve-chilling rides ( i was a number 1 chicken back then.. )

Anywayz, it's 4.17am, and I'm going to meet up with a bunch of friends going on this Shaolin experience trip... I hope it's going to be an exciting one :)

I'm going to tell all here after the trip.

Btw, I'm feeling so schweepy... I would like to have some more sleep..zzzz..oops..I haven't cut my nails..I'm gonna do that now..

My conclusive sentence from yesterday:

- Everything is going to be alright in the end -

Mid April

2011-04-16T10:29:00.002+07:00

Hello Blog,

it's now come to mid-April and I can feel the 'fear' of July...the 'fear' of going back home to Jakarta...

It's not anything extreme, but I'm just currently in my comfort zone and I'm about to step out of it and I'm not even sure I'm ready for it...

What am I going to do then? Where is my future leading me to?

There are so many options but I can't actually do it myself..Or maybe I just haven't got the confidence...

-------

I've met beautiful and wonderful people this semester, I kind of want this to continue on till the end of the year, but I know it isn't going to be like as I wished it to be...

--------

By the way, enough of all the 'future-fear' thoughts..

Yesterday:
I skipped my morning class and went to the second one.. then we're supposed to go this Beijing's Amusement Park but got cancelled, mainly because a guy couldn't make it (he's the popular dude amongst the korean girls in the class)..I kind of feel bad for a Jap girl who couldn't make it as well..coz the girls didn't really mention anything about it..All they cared about was that the fact the Thai dude couldn't make it... I think it's kind of unfair..coz everyone was ready for play that day..But the mood went down quite drastically so we decided to go somewhere else. So we went to Sanlitun La Pizza for lunch.. We took 406 bus , it took about 40min. Then we decided to go to YuYuanTan, a park which they said Sakura blooms beautifully. It's a bit dissappointing coz the Sakura trees in HangZhou are far, far more beautiful than here. Then in the evening, I went to GuangDong Duck Restaurant with sis, Lier, Chris, and Shino.. We (three of us classmates) were awefully tired from a long day but we had good laugh during dinner and after, it was fun! :)
Oh..and at the end of the day, Shino joked about ghosts stories, my sis, and Lier didn't want to listen to any of it.. was so funny..worth the laugh ;)

Today:
Today I woke up early...Ate McD, and watched Lie To Me Season 2, Episode 6, couldn't really concentrate coz i'm typing blog while watching, so ..I'm gonna re-watch it again later, when I have free time :P..which might be after shower. Today we're planning to go to Capital M, booked 6.30pm..I don't know what to wear :O .... We're planning to have outdoor dining, hopefully the weather is going to be nice to us. And we might ride off to L.A.N Bar, we'll see..I hope it's going to be a fun, full of laughter night tonight, just like yesterday.

I like it when I get to laugh so much till my tummy felt constrained, full of laughter, so much fun, coz I don't know whether I would be able to laugh as free as yesterday - if I got back @ Indo..

I have small goals.. But for the big ones, I just haven't got enough courage..

I'm a little scared..

Oh..by the way , here have a look at HangZhou pretty park~ it's so beautiful. Oh and the trip's best evening was in HangZhou, the performance, the whole Song Dynasty complex, it was awesomeness!! apart from that, all - ok.

April Fool and I'm Going Down South :))

2011-04-01T20:14:00.002+07:00

Hello Blog,

In about 30minutes from now, I'm going to go to my uni's north gate and meet my crew .. We're gonna go to Beijing Station then off 14 hours trip down south to Nanjing...

I hope this trip is going to be such a great, awesome, unforgettable and full of joy trip :D.

Thank You, God ..Thank You :: that I can have this opportunity to take a break, to have fun, to take an adventurous holiday here in China.

Please take care of us while we're holidaying, please take care of my friends in Beijing, please take care of my family, my relatives, deng deng

xoxo.

Tasting my cup of thoughts

2011-03-31T20:09:00.002+07:00

Dear Blog,

Ever since the Japan quake and tsunami news broke out,and ever since I saw how horrifying the sea water storms North East Japan like a walking wall of water, sweeping through fields, human, buildings... I've been thinking a lot.

I've been asking myself:

Q: What are the activities that have consumed your time lately?

A: I've been into this Looklet.com , spending hours on mixing and matching outfits.. I've been studying Mandarin...and yep, I think that's all?

Q: Are these activities making you a better person?
A: Not really...maybe a little, yes.

Q: Have you made yourself useful today?

A: Umm..well I put some effort in group meeting today...I shared my thoughts with a friend...I made some jokes? does that count?

Q: Have you been praying and ask for God's guidance everyday?

A: Nope.

Q: If you lost your newly bought iPod, if you lost your MacBook, all your clothes, your super precious Blackberry, your passport..If you have nothing in your hands but yourself, then what would you do?What is now left in you?

A: Umm.. I can't rely on those things, really...No matter how much I treasure them...I guess..only my brain, my mind, and my heart that really stay with me wherever I go while I'm still alive.

Q:So where exactly should you invest in? your family? your friends? Is it your firm? or a new house?

A: I suppose, I should invest in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. By having all that, everything else will follow.

Typing all these is surely easier than done.. But at least I have something..kind of like a guideline that I could always refer back to whenever I'm lost in myself.

Alright, it's 9.03PM in Beijing, and I should take a rest. It's been a long day today.

Good Night.

The Last Day of February

2011-02-28T21:17:00.003+07:00

Olla,

This morning I just baoming and had a placement test. It's quite early, cold, but pretty fast. It was 8am and I got number 13.. Unlucky number? Na, don't think so.. I was born on the 4th, at 4am, and I don't give a shyt about what's lucky and what's unlucky :) .. Isaac Newton was born on the 4th as well ;)

I'm currently watching some weird movie on CHC Channel..it has Christian Bale and Gerard Butler..they looked pretty young..I guess it's ages ago..

This is such a not-important-post... zzzz

Beijing Finale

2011-02-18T22:59:00.006+07:00

So what happened during the holiday was that

FUN FUN FUN

7PM was born..
7PM is about a bunch of guys and a girl who loves music to the core..and who loves composing and arranging to death (this is a bit too extreme..). We are merging acoustics, soul, jazz, pop, blues, and bits of everything else.
I don't know why but I have this urge of calling my primary buddy for a brief music project.. Was just meant to be the 2 of us...but I guess it's grown more than just 2 people with the same interest :P.

BEIJING FINALE

I pray to God that it's going to be an exciting year in Beijing, I'm so gonna miss Beijing..I believe I'm going to learn so muchh in this finale semester..and I pray so that I may become a love-able friendlier and wiser girl..

Beijing, Bring it on!

A Good Night Kiss

2011-01-21T00:55:00.004+07:00

Intermezzo:

I'm all over the moon for Kings of Convenience..I just totally love their music..they're super awesome..love their rhythm, voices, weird lyrics, their style..they're hawt!

Ahh.here comes the main message for tonite:
WEDNESDAY NIGHT PROJECT or... THURSDAY NIGHT PROJECT

I had Wednesday Night Project yesterday..it was heaps fun and great..
maybe one day I'll change it to Thursday Night Project..hmm..which one sounds better? Wednesday sounds more original coz it was started yesterday..but Thursday sounds nicer and all members could make it on Thursday..emm...we'll see..

We're making this project ..hopefully it's a project that can be blessing for others..

There's this guy from kindergarten. He's involved in this project. The funny thing is, he's my first crush in kindergarten xD . I've been wondering why did I ever like him in the first place? Kindergarten? Oh my gosh, what must I'd been thinking?? Well, I haven't met him..supposed to met him ystrday night but he was too exhausted. He sounded friendly and approachable.. I hope he doesn't know I had a crush on him way way back then, so embarrassing.

Okay, please pardon my all-of-a-sudden romantic mood. I think I've been watching or reading too much romantic stuffs. Okay, here we go..my mellow helpless romantic mood is ON :

A Good Night Kiss

I'm kissing you good night
Let the air carries it away
Softly lands on your cheek

I'm kissing you good night
Hope the cupid whispers right
From me to you
A gentle good night kiss

Not baddd huh? xD

What Positivity?

2011-01-18T18:24:00.003+07:00

When we're troubled, we often think this way:
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?

And, when we're hurt by others, we'đ command God:
GOD PUNISH THEM!!!

And when we think people can't understand a thing, we'đ say:
UR PROBLEMS CAN NEVER MATCH MINE!

Well, let me ask u, what shoe size do u wear?
Everyone has their own particular size.

What animal u hate the most?
My brother hates cockroach to the max..but as much as I don't like cockroaches, I think they're better than s****. You see what I mean?

It happens to us because we're loved.
Zach13:1-9.
Through problems we are reminded that only to God alone we surrender.
Through pain our characters are examined.
Through all these, we're molded, shaped, trimmed, so that we are rich on the inside.

We don't have to tell God to punish them...
But we need His grace, love, and authority to take care of everything. "Forgive" is ain't as easy as it's written. The act of forgiving is a challenge for me personally.

But I want to try..to stay positive

In My Mind

2011-01-17T14:10:00.005+07:00

我擦不了你
仍不了你
我应该怎么办？
每天在我脑子里
一你看，我怎么解决这样的问题？
如果有一种药能治我的坏脑。。。我就吃哪种药！

I Think I Had...

2011-01-07T11:20:00.007+07:00

Dear Blog

I've been wondering, how come Norah Jones or any other artists could write such wonderful, sexy, and ambiguous-meaning lyrics? My English still has problems for sure..But artist like Norah Jones is truly inspirational.

Let me greet you on this very new year with a poem..maybe it could someday transform into a lyrics ;).

I think I had too much wine
But I could never understand
The way you've been coquetting
Stirring a black hole in my heart

I could never see your true intention
But charm keep dragging me to you
A dangerous play, host by the lust
I need to move on, away from the hole

Wake up with a new resolution
Cleanse mind pollution
Mix all those portions to make a potion
To ease my drunkenness of you

I cast a spell upon myself
A munition to the enslaving mind
I cast a spell upon myself
to be unhooked, released from you

The ray of sun glittering my face
As I succumb myself to the morning light
My longing for your touch
finally floundered in the darkest night

Hello Winter!

2010-12-21T16:13:00.005+07:00

Dear Blog,

Today marks as the beginning of winter this year :)...Hello winter!

Exams finally finished and done with..except that I still have classes till early next year...

I went on skiing last last weekend , it was heaps funn!!! There was also shabu2 time with CG buddies,..I suppose I'm on a balance -studying&socializing-

I'm currently listening to Bill Evans - Alice in Wonderland (Take 2) ...

Anywayz

Me going to Solana this evening with classmates, we're planning to watch a movie there..we'll see how good the cinema is (ppl say it's better than Sanlitun's Megabox)

Parents and bro are coming on late 25th.. Hmm what else to tell...

Where's snoww?? I want to see the first snowfall this year..darn it..looks like I'm gonna have to either miss it next year or experience it early next year...

Oh exams, I think I did pretty well with all of them..quite happy with myself.. Just unsure what next year gonna bring.. Heard Chinese Business is quite a challenge.

We're going to spend X'Mas Eve @ a friend's house and everyone ought to bring a 40-50yuan pressie and we're gonna swap pressie.. Hmmm..what should I buy?! Might find something interesting @ Solana tonight (hopefully!) Ouh..and there's gonna be turkey and other delicious food involved :)

I'm so sleepy.. I'm in no mood of doing anything.. Feeling like just lazying around.. sigh*

Oh and two of my friends...'friends' maybe.. went for good this afternoon. It's been a year they'd been here in Beijing.. They're the first two people in Beijing who introduced me to a lot of places..thanks to them :) .. I forgot to say thanks when coincidentally saw them this arvo.. Anyway, one of them is a guy with loads of friends-with-politics..me no likey hanging out with him too much... But..still.. thanks to him I got to know loads of Beijing's good places.

Do I miss them? Not really.. But if my CG buddies go back home for good..I think I'm so gonna miss them.. Umm..okay, time to be off from blog~

Aites Blog...ta ta

A Lucky Day on the 8th of December :)

2010-12-08T20:40:00.005+07:00

Dear Blog,

an article in the chinadaily.com once said to consider it as your lucky day if you could see clear sky, fog/pollution uncovered buildings in Beijing (esp during winter). And guess what, today is the day where it's clear sky all the way and I could see clearly Beijing's buildings far and near..So I guess it's my lucky day :)

I'm all settled now in the new apartment...I'm quite happy and satisfied with the apt's condition .. it's quite far from crowded streets, it's more peaceful and quiet here...although one might not prefer to walk alone at night ..but most of the time I go by taxi anyway at night time.

We bought some stuffs from IKEA last week that included fabric sheets, small coffee tables, bed sheets, even the cool STORM light! And I know why my sis' room is cold..it's coz she put down her balcony's curtain..the curtain was supposed to trap the coldness of the outside air..

And one more thing I learned today.. was that Beijing is on the northern hemisphere and I all these time put my southern hemisphere theory into practice..DOH! The sun doesn't rotate from East-North-West but from East-South-West!!! So that means South facing rooms definitely get the most sunlight, which means: more expensive. My room faces south, which is great! but maybe not so great during summer..:P

Oops..gotta get the clothes from the washing machine! pause*

Done..

It's 10:02..in about 20min I gotta wake-up call a friend pretty soon...

I'm currently watching Vampire Diaries 2.. Ian Somerhalder is really Hot!..but there's a nu guy ..his screen name is Mason ..Something..he's a mix between Leonardo DiCaprio and Gerard Butler..He's really good looking.. a nice eye-candy xD.

Anyway, I'll just continue watching..I like it much better than Twilight seriously..

Oh and my current weight today right in the morning after I woke up: 51.5kg (Please God, I want 48 badly..Hopefully I could make it before going back to Indo)

Gnite Blog!

3402 房间，0 号楼，晚安：）

2010-11-28T22:28:00.004+07:00

What happened in November... surely a lot has happened..a lot has changed from places to perspectives...

Changes List:

- Future plan : Business Chinese for a semester, possible export-import opportunity from here.
- Friends: I now don't know who I can really call "friends"... one of my best-friend here has been walking out of the line... I've been telling that person to stay in control of his/herself but he/she chose not listen. I know how hard it could be to against feelings. But it's not about her/him solely, it's about others relationship! I never expected my own close buddy, knowing it's so wrong, knowing the guy/girl is a bastard/bitch who doesn't know what he/she want, creeping in someone else's relationship. Now I don't wanna have any business in relation to his/her issue. It's weird how 'friends' stab each other on the back..hmmm...
- Some Mysterious Dude: ..hmmm.. I dreamt twice about this guy... One when I was still back in Jakarta and once here in Beijing... I find it mysteriously intriguing, those dreams came true!
- Family: Hope. Faith. Love.
- Living Habitat: Tomorrow I'm gonna move to an apartment nearby (well..it takes 15min walk to and from univ.) It's near北门 and it's called 北桃园. Such a coincidence (no..I don't actually believe in coincidence) I'm living @ the same building unit with my Kazakhstan classmate :P. Hmmm.. I might be able to loose weight then.. (since it requires daily cardio 20min to Qiusao Building then 2min up to level 5 *by stairs* where my classroom is, then usual out-for-lunch ..another short-cardio, then back to class up to level 5, then by end of day, walk 20min to my new apartment.)

There's a story behind why we chose this apt..
Well at first we liked an apartment @ 吉利家园 but then it's a bit expensive but has a lovely interior and spacious living room.. We (till now) still like it very much.. But take note: 吉利家园 is a bit further east ..so walking casually might take 25-30min ?? But heaps of Indo lives there. We surveyed a number of apartments but none suit the heart more than that one @ 吉利家园... So when we decided we're gonna take that one..sadly, it's just been rented the day before we decided. We're a day too late :( . But it's okay it's okay, nothing is coincidence. Maybe that apt not meant to be for us anyway :P. So we surveyed this small apt @ 北桃园.. the furnitures are seriously classic-chinese-indoish..we wondered why and it turned out that the fandong spent 21 years in Jakarta so he could speak a little indo :D ..Chen Shushu and Wang Ayi are really niceee to us..although we deal with their daughter..Zhang ayi..Chen Shushu and Wang Ayi said never hesitate to contact them for any issues :). Good to know that we have a lovely fandong couple.

There wont be any internet for the next 3 days (my prediction)...tmorrow supposed to be registration day then the next day or the day after should be installation day...My sis texted Adi (our indo agent) but no reply just yet..hmmm

2morrow we're gonna check out before 12 noon ... I kinda miss this dorm tho.. At first, I really didn't like it but now I'm already used to it. I guess it'll be the same in the new apt...I'll love it gradually... I kinda like it..it's alright I guess..it is better than dorm-lifestyle!

Okay blog.. I suppose I should write this one..this important one issue..

I've been dreaming twice about this mysterious dude and they're in the process of coming true! I just live it naturally but it's going there..exactly like the prophecy (mmm..weird prophecy). There's a lot of assumption and maybes tho ..hmm~ complicated stuffs.

Zzzz..I think I'm kind of an autis.. Blog is my best friend..it's like talking to wall..But that's cool with me ;P

Oops..12am! Got morning class tomorrow..busy busy! And they're gonna give us the exam's results back..eeekkzzz (>___<) Hope I did alright!

Gnite Blog.this is my last night here in dorm 3402, 0 号楼...and I shall write again when I'm all settled in the new apartment :)

After Cell

2010-11-18T21:43:00.002+07:00

Hello again Blog, long time no see...

I spent my last weekend @ Hongkong..the trip wasn't as fun as I expected.. there's too much politics involved..I hated it :( ...I missed Beijing so much. But of course I tried to enjoy myself while in Hongkong.

It was so good to be back here in Beijing. Wo yue lai yue xihuan Beijing :) .

Today I met new friends @ a new friend's apartment. At first it was a bit awkward for me but then I found a jazz buddy while walking back to sushe..Yay!

Dear God

2010-11-09T11:59:00.003+07:00

Dear God,

Thank you for such opportunity that I am now in Beijing with my sister learning Chinese.
Thank you for the environment You've placed us here.
Thank you for the friends and teachers You've introduced us.
Thank you for Your endless and tireless guidance.

After a long thought, I've decided to continue studying Chinese for another semester.
Not taking MBA Degree, but I wish to take Business Chinese Language Training Class.
But I'm not sure whether this is the right or wrong decision.
The biggest struggle I've been experiencing is still running parallel with me.

Give her strength, Lord
Give her Your wisest wisest advice
Give her Your warmth and love
Give her security and protection

She needs them all...

Give him forgiveness, Lord
Give him a Father Heart
Give him wisdom to understand what really matters in this world
Give him ears that block foolish advice
Give him tongue that stop rubbish words from coming out
Give him a brand new love for her

He needs them all...

God...Although by distance I'm far apart from them...but You're always close. You're here, there, and everywhere.

Touch them Lord...
Take over them Lord...
Heal their broken hearts...

"Let Your mercy flow within us, as we stand before the Lamb...Your presence changes the atmosphere" -Atmosphere

1st of November

2010-11-01T19:58:00.005+07:00

A bit of update from October's last few days:

I'm really happy for my mid-exams results, average of HDs..Thank you God :)

My feet is hurting from Saturday's hiking to Xiang Shan.. it was such an adventurous experience.. Went there with 3 others from late morning till evening..That Saturday yes, was a crazy Saturday! I wore wrong attire yet still managed to step on the peak of Xiang Shan.. Good on you , Agnes! *Tap myself on the back* We then went for dinner at Wudaokou..I was so hungryyyy! Was such a tiring Saturday but definitely an adventurous one ;)

Friday night with friends went for dimsum at Jin Ding Xian, Yonghegong. We ordered a lot and I loved the stuffed egg-yolk bun..nyummy (^____^)

Enough of October, let's move on to November..

Ahhh..Hello November :)

Somehow I have a feeling I'm going to like this month :)

Let's see..what's my situation right now..Hmm
I'm listening to Disney Forever Collection - current song: A Spoonfull of Sugar - Mary Poppins
I just ate 红烧牛肉面like probably 15 to 30minutes ago.
I'm currently blogging, tabs full of facebook, BBC Weather|Beijing, Hotmail, and MSN Today
Right beside my start button there's Windows Live Messenger, MSN Today, Blogger, Skype, Adobe Photoshop, WMPlayer, and Disney Folder.
It is 9.09pm Beijing time.

My craving for Disney movies and songs grew as fast as I opened my Disney folder looking for nice songs to be put into my November Playlist..

How I love Disney Classics...I grew up with them.. Less or more they've influenced me in every possible way. I wish I could stay forever young...;)

Anyway, my legs still hurts..I'd applied Counterpain but still hurting :(

Laundry is getting piled up! Shucks..Wednesday shall be the latest day to do laundry..and my dorm's floor is getting dirty..I just can feel it! 我应该大嫂打扫房间里！

Alright..since I have a good mood this evening, I'm going to make a poem for November ;)

Dear November,

Autumn is about to blend into winter
But you will be better than October
Because You will paint beautiful colours I shall always remember

You shall be the month where I'll become wiser
Happier, Smarter, and ofcourse, slimmer!

You will bring happiness to my family through togetherness
You will bring joy and fun and freshness
You will make my heart smile from unpredictable moments

xoxo for November

Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay...!

2010-10-25T21:20:00.007+07:00

Yay Yay Yay Yay。。。。！

考试 :
我估计今天的考试不太难，也不太简单。。。我觉得还可以。。。
We started off with Grammar Exam from 8.10am till 9.55am then Listening Exam from 10.10 till finito (11.55)

Damn Listening exam...surely the speakers spoke like normal Beijingers speak here.. so fast! I'm not really used to the speed.. but it was so inspiring listening to the girl's voice..I want to have that kind of Beijing accent! It sounds soo coooollll..!!!

天气:
However, today's weather is not so nice although the sun was there up up away and shining brightly. The wind force was 9mph.. Brrr.. cold wind blowing against my face and body, not a very nice feeling. What more? I was about to turn on the heater when my sister said our electricity voucher has reached its limit. we only have now, a deposit of 36快.. SO SAD!!! That means, tomorrow after exam, I definitely have to deposit more money. I can't live without heater...tomorrow is said to be 3 to 8 degree Celcius..很冷！！！

I can't believe that it's still autumn here in Beijing... If it was Perth, such weather is considered as winter!

心情:
今天我的心情很好是应为。。。
My dad gave me a green light to do an IMBA Degree here in Beijing..I'm so excited! Now I just have to find out how and what sort of documents needed to apply. Sooo happy! I just think that MBA for me is so necessary.

This afternoon I asked God ... that if it's not meant to be then dad wouldn't give me a green light.. But on the phone, dad gave me one.. So, I really do think it's Your will :) ..Now I can see a glimpse of light..At least I don't feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere anymore :D

Although today's weather isn't so favorable, and exams were quite alright, but the green light to do a Master Degree has definitely made my day.

Thank you God :D

星期二

2010-10-19T21:53:00.008+07:00

你好

Yesterday night after blogging I chit chatted with my IA Sisterhood buddies. I soooo miss them badly :'| . We had such a good time! Surprisingly three of us got drunk during weekend..lol..one got drunk in Brunei, one in Perth, and one in Beijing.. I'm loving such bond! After chatting with them, I went to sleep smiling ..it was such a heart warming midnight chat :).

我觉得今天过了很慢。。。

My schedule for today was:
8am 我迟到了！我 8点10分才到了教师。。。Oops
5pm 下课。
5-7点复习生词。
7-7点半准备准备
8 点出去三里屯根朋友们见面。
8 点半在Let's Burger 吃了晚餐。我点Salmon Salad .. around 58元。跟朋友们一起走走。。。在街上逛逛。。。
10.30ish went home and practice again for 2morrow's 听写。

The highlight of today was:
TAXI: 2nd compliment from a taxi driver saying we're beautiful girls..awwwww
WEATHER : COLD..but thank goodness it wasn't raining ..pheww..
AT CLASS: 没想到, 今天的口语课很有意思。I actually quite enjoyed the class and got a lot out of it.
Eeks.. Thursday is 口语的考试day.. Not looking forward for it..(>.<)

张老师
curhat about our 班的同学 attitude and behavior towards learning Mandarin.. She wondered why they all fell asleep. 谁有问题？老师还是学生？ Seriously I reckon' it's not the teachers' fault. Me too have no idea why they all asleep in class.. Hmm, don't know..but, I kind of know how it feels to be up there in front of the class giving presentation and none seem to care. Back in Aussie, we all listened and at least acted like we're interested when lecturers/tutors are giving presentations...Appreciation is well-honored. So I told her it's not about her but it's the students. 对汉语，他们可能没有兴趣. I ? I already know how important it is to learn the language..perhaps they're still so young and it wasn't their choice learning the language. OH well, she told me how she feels sad and having bad mood every time she teaches us because most of us are being quite rude (by sleeping in class). .. Poor Zhang Laoshi.. She trully is a great teacher :).

爱莲的了感冒。。哎呀。。。
我们从昨天晚上开了空调。I set it to 30deg Celcius.. coz it was really cold yesterday.. However the kongtiao smelled like burnt metal as I previously mentioned.. We didn't switch it off because it's just too niceeee..I wonder how much it ate the electricity voucher :P

Anyway it's 12:15AM right now.. eeekz.. I shall not be late 2morrow!! Already got a warning!!

Ouh..and today, another person from UIBE 讲解about taking MBA in UIBE.. only for a year! I'm deeply attracted!! Droooollllsssss..that MBA title is really tempting! Hihihihi..

Anyway, good night blog..2morrow have to wake up early..Might be another interesting day 2morrow.. 3-5pm is Wushu Show.. can't wait!

xoxo,

杰花

Vodka Weekend & Foggy Monday

2010-10-18T19:23:00.004+07:00

Dear Blog,

I had an interesting weekend.. What happened? Well.. after Ray's birthday dinner, my sis and I decided to join our friends going to Vics. They said it's called the Indo Night and it was prolly like once every year. The music was real loud but nice songs!I thought I'd stay sober, it's not prolly gonna be interesting anyway. A friend booked two sofas-cubicles for us. All i could remember was that I was so bored and quite tired and sleepy.. Then I drank the vodka ..and oops.. my mind and my body disconnected! Yep, felt like I gained 10kg..the body surely felt really heavy. We stayed there till 2am and off me, sis, and a friend to our dorm. That was my first ever experience of getting drunk. My head spun round and round and I couldn't walk straight but I was very much aware of my mind..My body just didn't agree with what the brain was commanding. I'm pretty sure my sis would always remember such experience of having to deal with me that time :P..

But I remembered crying before off to dreamland. I was quite sentimental.. moreover, mother text-ed me saying stuffs that really stirred my emotion to the boiling point. And then on Sunday morning, I cried again by 8am..Gosh! it was such a mellow Sunday morning... Another breakdown here in Beijing. I was totally clueless as to what I am going to do, where is my life leading to?

I also remembered yesterday talking to dad on the phone. We had this talk about business and importing goods opportunity. Dad seemed to be very proud of us, he thought we've grown up now..no more spoil brat, now we're talking business. Somehow, no matter how painful our past was, hearing him and feeling him being proud of us..that just officially made my Sunday a Sunny Sunday..no more gloomy aura.

Then we went to have dinner in a friend's dorm..the food came 1.5 hour after we ordered..sucks..but the food still tasted yummy. Then 2 friends came along and join us in our small gathering... Then by 12 we surprised another friend. It's his birthday! Hip Hip Hooraaay! I was already tired but when I was planning to leave the place, a second group with a bunch of guys and girls came and gave him a surprise visit..and it all went along till around 2am. OH one funny thing was that the small cake that we bought + the aromatherapy candle we put aside was exactly the same as the ones the second group bought! What a coincidence!

Then 2 of my girlfriends didn't feel like going back to their dorm so they decided to stay over. And I forgot we had 听写 on chapter 33 today. 所以我和妹妹赶学习到2 点半.

What a weekend!

I woke up this Monday morning feeling really really really SLEEPY. The weather sucks! It's very coooolllddd...around 8-12 度 but somehow it already felt like 4度!! grrrr. And my body itched all over..don't know why..i'm sensing that the winter rash has caught me! UGH! LOTION LOTION LOTION...I shall massage my skin with plentiful body lotion.

Just had ramen for dinner at Isshin, just the four of us - people from 0 号楼 - ..eating warm soupy food during cold weather is the best option!

听说明天的天气根今天的差不多..but hopefully it won't rain :( ..me no like rain :( . I don't want to get sick.

I'd turned on the heater...it smelled like burnt metal..but apparently it's just because it wasn't being used for quite some time, so it takes time to adjust.

Ohh Beijing, please be nice to me..coz I'm planning to stay here for another semester.. BE NICE.okay? ;P

Full on Friday

2010-10-15T23:38:00.002+07:00

Dear Blog

My schedule today:
8.30- 2.30ish went out on excursion to Hutong area here in Beijing. I loved it..was so tiring but was worth the experience. :)
I especially love those traditional Chinese houses..love the heritage listed buildings.. My point is: I love old Beijing city!

2.30-4.30ish compiling postcards and stick them onto our dorm's glass divider between the bedroom and the living room. Now our dorm looks more alive and colourful ;).
My plan was to to go Solana and get some pressies for 2 of our friends.. Ouh and by this time we went downstairs and exchange pillow's cover etc.

4.40-6.30ish Xiuxi time.. was so tired and sleepy.. Anyway, a friend called my sis and invited her to go to TGIF tonight for dinner. My sis had been craving for TGIF for ages eversince she saw TGIF here in Beijing. So we had to cancel our Solana plan.. Plus there was no news from a friend whom I invited to join to Solana anyway.. So get ready for TGIF!

7++ - ?? Searched taxis..nearly gave up..so many of them had no idea where TGIF is (it's in Beijing Guojie Da Sha).. SO finally after..maybe 30minutes plus we finally found a taxi driver who knew the place. Along the way the taxi driver and us 聊天聊天。。他问我们“你们是韩国人吗？“我们回答“不是。我们是印尼华侨。Then he said something and we replied "Dui bu qi, wo men ting bu dong!" and he giggled and talked to us more clearly. So along the way he mentioned about us two being 小棍娘，　太漂亮！哈哈哈。。。我们笑了。　我们说“谢谢。。哈哈哈”他也说“你们比中国人漂亮“That made us laugh.. He kept on saying 我们是美 nu er. That was my first time heard a taxi driver gave us complement. ;P

I had no idea what time we arrived in TGIF..but from TGIF we moved on to Marge's coffee place called Unconditional Love Coffee Shop. It's somewhere near Mei Shu Guan.. It's such a lovely place, I like it there..very arty ..and it reminds me a lot of 798. We're there till around 11.20ish pm.. Marge was pretty drunk.. she just broke up with his boyfriend.. Her boyfriend deserved to be called a POO! He ain't a gentleman!

Anyway..it's 12:55am..My plan is to sleep at 1am.. I'm really really sleepy...
Hmm.. that dude bbm-ing me again.. asking the very same question.."Why your reply took so long?" .. Goodness meeee! I've told him like hundred times I could only reply if there's wifi available within my wifi ntwork range. (-__-)..

I'm so sleepy..it's 12:56am now..

Tmorrow is going to be another fun and tiring day I think..
It's Ray's bday 2morrow and it's going to be a drinkie night.. Hmm.. I wonder what to wear 2morrow.. hmm hmmm

Anyway.it's 12:57am now..
My eyes are only half open..

Good night Blog..

xoxo,
me! (12:58)

12.10.10

2010-10-12T21:20:00.002+07:00

Hello Blog,

So 12.10.10 开始 when my sister woke me up to a friend's birthday surprise thingo. I was already fast asleep when at 12 she asked me to get ready. So anyway, went to his place with my pajamas, no make up, and sang him Happy Birthday while still gathering my mind at the same time. We stayed at his place till around 2.30am ..and 8点上课！我很累也很昆！

During lunch break me and my sister went out to Ito Yokado and bought teapot, pan, and other necessity stuffs. 一边吃方便面一边看 Ip Man 1 movie from sis' harddrive. Time went real fast, we headed off to our next class and went to our last class which started at 6pm.
This class called the "Hanyu Jiao Class", it's a class where 我们跟中国朋友一起聊聊天. So I talked with this one Chinese guy whose majoring in Deutsch. Time went really fast, I enjoyed talking with him because he acted like half "hanyu tutor" and half "new Chinese friend". Anyway, after class, me, my sis, and our two other classmates decided to 一起去晚饭在西门的附近.

我们吃 korean bbq, 聊天到9.30pm! We just sat there chit chat with eachother and I supposed we enjoyed eachother's company. Although by age we're a bit far apart, but at least it seems like we're able to connect with eachother.

Right now I'm quite tired...it's 10.36pm and I'm listening to 'Dawn' by Dario Marianelli from Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack...it is so smooth, calm, and pleasing to the ear.

Oh.. by the way, grammar teacher told us to make a small composition about our life in Beijing.
I'll write it down here...;)

生活在北京

虽然我对汉语和北京没有兴趣,但是有很多人告诉我,"英语现在不是世界的第一与.现在各地涌汉语所以学汉语非常重要!"

所以3月前我决定来北京学习汉语,上月我从印尼来到了北京,我听不懂汉语,说得也不流利.有印尼朋友告诉我,很多中国人不会说英语.我觉得这是很糟糕!我想一想我应该怎么办.我觉得我必须认真学习汉语.所以除了复习和写作业,我也常常去饭馆用汉语点菜.去北京很有意思的地方逛逛, 拍照片,跟别人练习练习我的口语.我觉得这样学汉语很轻松.最近我对汉语和北京发生了兴趣.

I Miss My Architecture Buddies...

2010-10-11T18:14:00.005+07:00

I don't know why..maybe it's because of the songs I've been listening to..
They all reminisce back to my Perth momentos..

I miss my architecture buddies...

I miss IA Sisterhood very much...
Cindy, Clarissa, and Kim...
They're the best girlfriends I could ever ask God for...
With or without make up
Fat or not fat
Good or bad mood
They all know who I really am deep inside...
I feel really secure with them...
They accept me the way I am...
I miss them terribly...

I miss my architecture buddies...all of them ..from Andrew to Moses..
I miss telling them my lame jokes...
I miss procrastinating with them...
I miss doing stupid kiddish stuffs with all of them...
I miss our study sessions...
I miss talking about philosophies, psychology, architecture, lecturers, exciting events, and food..ofcourse.

I miss going to the beach and marked our feet on the sand and wrote "3.58pm we were here"
I miss crashing into Kim's house together...playing RockBand...studying for exams...eating her snacks...
I miss spending hours and hours till dawn in Kim's house...
I miss Kimmy's guinea pig...
I miss crashing into Clar's crib...talking heart to heart...eating her candies...borrowing her straightener...and listening to her RnB collection...
I miss driving to and from Cindy's unit... I miss the stupid traffic we had to deal with..I miss the random topics we talked about along the way...
I miss our arguments...
I miss our chats..
I miss our ritual tea-drinking session...
I miss how we all feel comfortable with each other with no need of making conversation...

I miss them crashing into my house when I decided not to come to the 8am lecture...
I miss them hitting my head with pillows so I wouldn't sleep at 4am...
I miss them teaching me about cosmo stuffs...
I miss their stories and opinions...
I miss them being so caring to me when I was in one of my lowest moments...
I miss them giving me rational and wise advice when I was down...
I miss their voices...

I miss them all..very...very much...

Loads of Love to Miss Blair, Miss Bonjour, Miss Pinkie and my super clever architecture friends,

xoxo,

Miss Jazzy

:)

the re-appearance|church|me

2010-10-10T16:34:00.007+07:00

Dear Blog,

Me bete today.. NOt just that it's Sunday and I had classes.. but moreover, he suddenly re-appears (-___-)..

He and I both knew we had sparks.
He and I both knew Beijing could mean "to be continued" or "the end".

Beijing here I came.
Two weeks of emailing and no more words followed.
No news no effort no nothing from both of us.
I was passive and so was he.
So, I decided to click "the end" button.
Thought there's no use in waiting for uncertainty.

I forgot that I had opened my heart slightly for him.
I forgot that he might be somewhere waiting for me.
I forgot that we once had sparks.
A month has passed with no news, what do you want me to expect?
I have been happy. I've smiled. I've laughed. Without him.

All of a sudden he reappears.
Messages in blackberry were full of his texts.
So how did I react?
Happy? No. Excited? No.
The momentum and the sparks have gone with the wind.

0% feeling.
0% likeness.
0% everything.

He texted me saying about how I should go to church et cetera.
He just perfectly hit a sensitive topic.
That is definitely a minus.

I'd say he still thinks I like him just like I did back then. Sorry Mr Religious, you suddenly re-appear with the wrong topic.. Not your fault, that's just the way you are..being very religious..but I'm nothing like you. I'm sure a lot of religious girls do wish to have a partner-for-life like you :)..but I guess I'm not one of them.

o%.

Right here in Beijing

2010-10-09T19:46:00.004+07:00

I Dear Blog,

it's been a while hey.. It's October now .. I've vacuumed blogging since April..wow.. a lot surely has changed...

Right now I'm in Beijing studying Mandarin at UIBE.. It's been about a month..I quite like it here.

Departure in airport wasn't great..
I felt like crying when I was about to leave for Beijing.. It wasn't my wish to come here..It wasn't my dream..But I had this feeling that I had to let go whatever I was dealing with in Indo and moved away to Beijing.. I just knew that this is the best path.. So I went along with it..and here I am in my dorm blogging.

Here in Beijing my goal is to purify my mind and soul, to really open up myself from the constraints I've been living with, to really try new exciting things, and to learn some Mandarin..I just know that by the end of this semester, I'm going to be a brand new strong person, someone tougher and wiser. I know I'm not going downhill, I just know that by being here in Beijing, it's like a self-disciplinary camp, I'm not going downhill but up up and up and I'm on my way to where I'm supposed to be.

A wise quote I read from the net by H.Ruff "It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." was really inspirational.. He was well-prepared for the big flood coming. People laughed at him for there was no rain at the time and the earth was dry. Why would he built an ark? It didn't make sense before.. Until the rain came and flooded every living things..Only Noah and his ark survived. Very inspirational. I want to be like Mr. Noah =).

Anyway...

So many stories to tell from here in Beijing...Anyhow..I just got back from Inner Mongolia last Tuesday, it was a 5 day trip and was loads of fun :) ...such an experience I shall always cherish..an experience I shall never forget! Met new friends, for that 5 days I forgot all my worries..I had a blast! And it was also my first time drinking 8 cups of beer.. including bai jiu. Not drunk, just a little tipsy ;P.. A friend of mine told me to try drink 1 big bottle of beer.. I will! just wait and see ;P.

I still can't believe I'm in Beijing..seriously..

Oh..one more note to this post: ..I've lately fallen in love with Kings of Convenience and Adhitya Sofian ! Me likey their songs..they sound so smooth, so relax, and I just loveee them ~oo~ They've been accompanying my daily chores in my dorm. xoxo.

So many to tell from Beijing..I don't know where to start..
Surprise2, Beijing is safer than Jakarta.. and a lot more organized! It's nothing like what people say on the net / scary bb fwd messages about China black market, overseas students, etc. Well I suppose such thing exist but not in the areas where I hang out. Furthermore, the food here is so cheap...and surprisingly quite tasty! It's just too much oil..but other than that..they're so cheappp!! I wonder whether chicken meat is really...chicken meat :P..anyway, not a big deal when my tummy roars for food xP

Good night Blog

Faint Smile

2010-04-21T20:08:00.004+07:00

I'm going to go to a mall this evening..to inspect something............record something.........

God..Please..I pray for Your protection and wisdom......

I'm gonna play it sophisticatedly..... *sigh*

Dreaming Better Days...

2010-04-16T00:03:00.003+07:00

It's been a while I haven't been typing anything for updates about me here...

So far.. domestic issue is getting.. quite complicated..but I'm grateful that it's still under control.

So many domestic politics to deal with.. Me NO LIKEY!

I'm still taking courses like jazz, vocals, Mandarin.. and I'm enjoying them all very very much.

I'm not so much interested in love life at the moment.. There's so much to contain in this one tiny self. Love will come when it's least expected to come... I just don't like it when my pa and ma are forcing me to find one asap..it's not like buying a new piece of land where u can just sell it again if u don't want it anymore.. Haiz..

God ? I admit I haven't prayed everyday... But I still believe THERE IS God. I just..you know when problems hit you, you don't really feel like sharing them to God every morning and night.. You feel like God knows 'em all already.. so what's the prayer all about? But again let me ask you, what is a prayer?? If I want to talk to my God, I'd just talk the way I'm comfortable with. Not with fancy words / sentence structure, but all out from the heart. So perhaps.. I've been praying everyday..but not like what 'normal' people see prayer as. :)

Tomorrow I'm going to my mum's hometown and meet some relatives there.. I pray it's gonna be a good , good break from all the mess I've been facing.

But I have to admit, these two weekends (Sat nights) had been awesome! Went out with friends from Perth and had really good times. Thank God for friends here.

:)

God...I pray that tomorrow is going to be a much better day than today.. Amen.

Jajan Jazz after Java Jazz

2010-03-17T23:19:00.005+07:00

7th March:

Oh man..Java Jazz on its last Sunday was awesome!!!! Manhattan Transfer was the first show we watched and had to pay extra Rp to get inside.. it was alright was quite worth it... Vice President was there as well watching it with us. So much bargaining we had to do just to get cheap tickets to get inside :p

Bubi Chen was ofcourse amazing as well!! At the age of 74..and still going strong?! That grandpa rocks!! He played awesome jazz tunes and his band was so fantastic! I thought they're from Hongkong or Taiwan or somewhere East Asia. Only later that nite I found out he's from SURABAYA, Indonesia! Wow!!

Bob James Trio was definitely the highlight of the night.. We had to squeeezzeee just to queue outside the hall.. was hot and humid..but if it's for Bob James Trio.. we'd do anything! haha *no..that's a bit extreme* :P

13th March:

By around 8.15pm we arrived at Mall Serpong in Gading Summarecon.. it's really a nice mall.. I love the courtyard .. it made me felt like I was in Singapore...or Bandung.. or anything but Jakarta...awesomeness! Then mr D *mr dentist, 29 years of age - came to see us.. People had been saying he's interested in me but.. I couldn't feel the chemistry..it's just ain't there..sad..sorry Mr.D . So I heard he closed his clinic early to meet us that night, and I noticed he'd been smiling and all that to me..but hmm.. was I being mean or what? It's just a Big NO. Mum had been saying he's a really nice guy, family guy, financially stable blablabla..but who can deny what the heart is really feeling? I can't. Sorry Mum.

By 9.30pm we arrived at the Jajan Jazz Festival.. My piano tutor performed there.. The timetable ran VERY late, so he performed at around 11pm..but that's alright..coz it was worth the wait. His band was super awesome.. Really Really Really GOOD~ !! That was like a fresh air to my ear and heart after all the bitchiness I went through last week.

Then we took photos and congratulated him and the band. Seriously, they're the most good-looking jazz musos in that festival (and the most good-looking jazz musos in any festival I've ever been to). How often do you find good looking young talented musos all in one band other than poppish-rockish bands? We're talking about jazz here ;).

And the guitarist been noticing us two (my sis and i)..and made some introduction.. He's not bad looking at all.. From a far when the spotlight was on him, he looked like some kind of Korean actor..but when the spotlight was off..he's not as good looking haha..but still looked pretty cool with all that British-preppy outfit ..Oh and I think he's interested in my sis..HAHA.. he asked her , her age. .when he heard she's only 21, he was kind of surprised, he looked like 25++..Anyway..I think my sis kinda like him as well.. he's her type..;P

Public Holiday and a Birthday

2010-03-17T22:45:00.011+07:00

I had a pleasant public holiday yesterday. I was waiting for my piano tutor but he didn't come and didn't even call me or text me why he's not coming.. Doh! But it wasn't a big deal .. coz I was looking forward meeting some old friends from Perth :)))

By around 2pm, the four of us arrived at Social House, Grand Indonesia. We ordered lunch, talked, toilet, talked, coffees and desserts, laughed, talked.. and time flew! It was 5.30pm already! We were going to watch a movie, but we opted for karaoke instead. So a friend of mine wanted to go to an ATM, we went to the food court area and saw RED MANGO. *i'm a yogurt frenzy these days*. My girlfriend and I ordered a Blackberry twist with mochi+coco crunch+strawberry as toppings. It was yummyy..I'm liking mochi now :D. It was quite funny how we girls walked really fast *according to the two guyfriends who walked behind us*..They really looked like two old men walking haha ;P.

Then by 7pm we arrived at Happy Puppy Karaoke somewhere in PIK.. It was one fun karaoke moment.. After two hours karaoke-ing, we went for leko in PIK as well. It was a nice area - PIK - . One of my guyfriends dropped me home (although we got lost for a little while around Pluit area..haha coz we entered the wrong freeway)

Arrived home about 10 30pm.. watched Take Me Out Celebrity and Mario Lawalata was thereee.. Oh seriously, he's the most good-looking indo man I've ever seen on tv/magazines/real life. A friend bbm-ing me saying he's on that show and told me not to be heart broken coz he's about to get a date from that show... Haha..oh well, I'm not a freak, okay?! Ofcourse I realize and know very well that he's a star and it's just for eyecandy ;). God..if i ever have a son, let him look like Mario hahaha ;D *to have a spouse as good looking as him would be hard to maintain..ahemm*

TODAY:
is Sis' bday..her three besties came over for a surprise bday bash. Who knew they've grown so big now and looking handsome..Aww..:) Three little brothers grown up already. So the procedure was all of them hid in the guest room downstairs and wait for my sis. As soon as my sis was downstairs, they opened the door, brought the cake lit up and sang "Happy Birthday".. that was so sweet of them :). And it was cute how they don't know how to call me.. just Agnes or with "Ci" xD

Anyway..I'm quite addicted to this one novel by Hannah Pakula about "The Last Empress" (Madame Chiang Kai-Shek)..I'm on page 126 now.. It's soooo addictive..I love biographies!

Good night blog! These two days r not stressful days.. I'm quite happy :)

A Brand New Life

2010-02-18T19:16:00.012+07:00

For the past God-knows-how-long months I've been meddling in this awful situation .. I've started to discover who I am...

I've learnt my limitations, I've learnt that when I'm the most upset- that is who I really am..That's who Agnes is.

The trip to Bali - Perth - Melbourne have opened my mind *somehow* in trying to finding ME in me.

I realized I have been whining a lot because I just simply can't face what's on my plate right now.. Then so many things have freshened my heart and soul that now.. I hope..really hope I can control myself before I swear and whine.

So many people's attitudes and values can be learnt from the trip. It's about how to be a better Agnes and what values to hold to:*these are the words they could've said to me/how I interpret it myself by observing them*

Shinya: Live a carefree life! Enjoy the ride! But keep your manners with you.
My Brother: Have some sense of humor..A good friend for the soul.
My Sister: Just be jollyyy!
Cindy: Stay faithful with God and do good works in His Name..Wonderful outcomes!
Claris: Loose weight to the ideal kg..Do not be tempted so easily!
Kim: First, let's see who we are in the mirror before judging others doing good / bad stuffs.
Kelvin: Forever Young ..Age is just numbers.
Larry: Just pray and endure..Only God can change people's hearts
Molen: You don't need 2 years of courtship before you get married.. 2 months sound good when you've been friends with the guy all these years.

I've learnt loads from books and parents of course, and just now.. The wife of my senior pastor (from my mum's church in Jakarta) whom I sought counsel to, have given me comforting words of wisdom..which I would like to share to those who are reading this:

About My Current Challenging Situation:
Do not plunge myself too deep to "the situation".. And if I am close to God and stay faithful, there's no such thing as descendant's curse following me around because the curse has been broken by His blood and mercy. So, keep holding on to God's righteous hand!

About The Situation (the awful case I'm experiencing right now) Affecting Personal Love Story (Who Could Back-Off and Leaving me Astray):
God is the God who provides. He has the right guy in store for me . All I have to do is to just be myself and believe that God is preparing and equipping him right now (And God is preparing me as well..for him). It's my love story anyway - not anyone else - not even my parents.

Thank you God for the insights.. :)

I know I will have to face reality 2morrow .. but with these insights in hand, I shall hold 'em tight.. Come on Agnes, you've graduated, this is your new life!!

In Australia

2010-02-10T10:11:00.004+07:00

What can I say about this barren land?

Although it's been nine and a half years living in this kangaroo continent, I don't really miss it ... Am I too cold-hearted? Hmm maybe I am..

I love my friends in Perth...But there's something about me that just doesn't click with the city.

Hmmm....Aniwae, I'm back here in Perth...Love the sky..Perth's sky is the best I've ever seen in my entire life..Amazing strokes of clouds, sun illuminates brightly ...The smell of grass at dawn..

Perth's nature is raw .. but soothing...

I graduated yesterday @ Curtin Bentley..The ceremony was awesome (although the mid part was quite bohring..) But I love the ending..starting from the girl who sang Time To Say Goodbye to the fireworks and concluded with Black Eyed Peas song "I gotta Feeling"..uu yeah..That's the highlight of the ceremony!

Currently my mind is still being occupied with so many thoughts and plans...

I'm recovering from flu..I guess Perth's clean air + medicine have helped me through the sickness...which is good!

Australia ... Perth ... thank you for the past nine and a half years... I've grown up here.. More or less you've shaped who I am today... Your education style, Your people, Your lifestyle, and Your culture have moulded me in every possible way - making me a better person..Much better than what I could've been if I stayed elsewhere. Mostly I've learnt how to appreciate and love different cultures. You've opened up my mind and filled it with goodness and fairness of mankind.

Thank you.

The tattooed guy

2010-02-04T21:45:00.002+07:00

What is wrong with me?

I have totally disbanded all the values/principles I have upon what a guy should be like!!!

I met this dude who's actually plain looking, but actually very charming.

Maybe because of his amazing politeness, his posture, and his tattoo..

And ofcourse his lifestyle is awesome!Surfing + martial arts?? You're awesome, dude!

For years before, I thought a good man should be: no tattoo, no drinkie, no smokiie, perfectionist, family guy, blahblablah.. But hey.. all that don't guarantee him as a good man deep down inside, right?

So, let's cross out the tatoo part.. Now, I don't mind if my later-on-partner has tattoes (as long as they're not scary ones).

Tattoed guy doesn't mean he ain't a nice person. Now I feel like I want to have a tattoo as well..hihih..nah.my parents gonna kill me..eeeeekkk..maybe temporary tattoo will do ;P

TIME TO SLEEP and STOP IMAGINING SO UN-IMPORTANT STUFFS!

Ahhh..Feels Good - NOT

2010-02-03T12:29:00.005+07:00

To: ***** *********

Do you know that it feels so good that you were not here?

Do you know that it feels so peaceful without you here?

Do you know that I don't get no more migraine from constant bbm mentioning and analysing your every conduct?

Do you know that I wish you're never here ?

Do you know that although it's so unlikely for you to get out of our life, I always pray everyday for you to realize what you have been contributing to our mess..

Think of your family, appreciate them..love them ... and find your own peace and GET OUT OF HERE.

I know I have been giving you enormous pressure for the past two days, and there's not even a word I ever regret saying in front of you (sarcasm is my best weapon, dear). I'm very much aware that you are very uncomfortable with me. I like it.

Your venom does not work with me, awww, too bad. Tommorow there will be no you, that's why no matter how late I have to stay out of the house today, I will do it...As long as you feel pressured as hell. I don't care whether *** upset with me or whatever lah, I stand for WHAT I BELIEVE!

When I come back from my trip, I will be more prudent and will be a bit impetuous. I will follow my guts, and I shan't hesitate to tell you off in front of people. I'm serious. You just wait.

BREATHEEEE AGNES...breatheee..I'm all well-prepared. >:)

May the force be with me.

Hmmmmm.... Okay...

2010-01-25T14:26:00.002+07:00

Okay....

Amazing...

No headache, no migraine... Well..ofcourse it's because they're not here..

I wish life could be just like this... No constant migraine everyday...

Goodness gracious me... I never thought I have to go through all these...

Instead of going to some psychic.. I actually found listening to sermons could be a much better option.. I considered them so bohring last time..And now, I'm just craving for them... I desperately want to be encouraged, want to be pushed, and I just want some answers...

Today is not as bad as yesterday.. it's an okay day :) .. good enough!

Why....

2010-01-23T15:27:00.003+07:00

Only last night denger kotbah ttg stress etc, how we should run to God and stay focus...

But why is it soo hard in practice???

I'm so angry and frustrated ... Living here is like living in hell... Everyday is torture... I've realized my hair got the effect..it's thinning.. I'm still freaking 23 and I want to live my life to the fullest.. Not living like this.....I don't want this sh*t..

***, you just slapped yourself.. mencoreng diri sendiri lewat BB...CONGRATULATIONS!!

*** prayed to God so He punishes u sometime because of what you've done... I have no objection on the request... I honestly think you deserve it.. no the ***** deserves some punishment as well..

OH MY GOODDD..whyyy whyyyyyyyyy is it soooo harddddd??

You You You

2010-01-22T14:02:00.003+07:00

It's enough...............

Seriously..................

Stop it......................

Ok..Gue pernah kesel sama org..tapi ga pernah sampe senaik darah kayak hari ini... I came to a state dimana gue pengen banget nangis..tapi ga bisa..ini di kantor...Yahhh because I couldnt cry..jadi swearing deh...I did anything to let out my quickie anger.

Gue kasar? Maybe... My fault? Yes, it's nobody else's fault, I'm not trying to point finger to anyone... Tapi at this point, gue bener2 bisa ngerti why people turn to alcohol, drugs, paranormal and friends... Gue ngerti banget, but I won't go that far.

Penyakit dalem? Maybee... Maybe kalo ga dikeluarin bisa jadi penyakit dalem... But it's okay...It's okay...

Right now? I really want to have a reallyyyy looonnnggg sleep and a really nice dream... I reallyyy want to sleep..just sleep.

ENOUGH!!!!!!

2010-01-15T09:47:00.002+07:00

ENOUGHH!!! i've had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IS there any other planet that's habitable? I would like to move there. >: (

God.. this is stressful. Can someone please take over this case ? I'm so stressed >:~(

MENGESALKAN

2010-01-14T15:29:00.001+07:00

The title speaks it all.

Mark a new beginning

2010-01-13T12:21:00.004+07:00

Okay Agnes.. stop pitying yourself, stop whining, stop complaining, stop stop stop stop!

Friends, one thing I realized last night... if we make time for God, everything is under control :)

I know I can't solve "this" problem... I know I'm helpless... I know this is beyond my control...I'm very much aware of my position in this problem... I can either make it worse it make it better.

Agnes, you should promise yourself to make time for God.. to read His loving scriptures aloud and assure yourself that it's perfectly safe to surrender to God. It's a long and winding journey, but you should never give up. Do whatever you have to do as best as you can and God controls the rest. His ways are unfathomable so don't try to rationalize everything. Let Him guide you with his righteous right hand. You're not lost.

Am I sounding like a very religious person? Well, I have been excercising my logic more often than spending quality time with my Creator. Now I have come to a situation where I can only depend on Him a total 100%.

I don't want to be a hypocrite ... So there will be stressful moments which I'm going to post in this blog ... but it doesn't mean I don't trust God .. I am still a humanbeing... People have ways to convey their anger.. and I'm glad I don't have to go as far to Mr Drugs and Friends .. I'm glad this blog is my refuge where I can pour my thoughts and reflect.

Thank God for blogs! and bloggers! :)

New Year 2010

2010-01-12T12:30:00.003+07:00

The start of the year was full of tears, anger, and hatred...

My birthday this year was probably the mellowest bday ever...

I don't know what I'd become if I let "this" govern me...

I'm trying to think positively...but easier said than done...

No suggestion is good enough because the problem does not lie within me... it's THEM!

Why they dragged me into the mud??

Howeverr... happiness is a decision. So, no matter how hard it is, I have to stay happy ......... rawwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

note from me

2009-12-16T21:31:00.004+07:00

Here's a note from me..

I'm really down...Really really down...

Why do they have to be like that?What about us?Have they forgotten how we feel about it?

God..if I may admit..my soul is hurting badly..and my spirit is crying pain...

***please,please stop it..*****,please stop it..

If no one's here I would've cried like mad..

Can we go back the way we used to be?

To tell you the truTh..-I can go insane if this continues on..

..I don't kno why I'm writing this..

To Mr God again..

2009-12-07T23:20:00.003+07:00

Dear Mr God..wherever You are right now...

Please pour wisdom upon her... She's so emotional right now... She wouldn't listen to any of us... God, You are the only one whom she would listen to... Is it too much to ask for You to talk to her in her dream tonight?

Please talk to him in his dream tonight as well.... And *****...

Our strength and capabilities are limited, but Your power is unlimited....

Mr God, they're all Yours.

Him?

2009-11-30T01:56:00.005+07:00

No mother, he's not my type...

I know he looks pro in his doctor suit, I know he has good salary, I know he looks like a gentleman, I know you know his family well, but my heart seems to say "He's not the one."

Maybe he is? I don't know, I don't know him that well. It feels like we both are so different. I like to be forever young at heart, which might be considered as immature in his eyes... Oh well, too bad. I don't feel right standing beside him... It seems like we're just not meant for each other..

Sometimes when you stand beside each other, you can feel some kind of comfort, or some kind of total discomfort... Aha..it's like puzzle pieces!

Sometimes the pieces look like they match but when you put them together, they don't actually match. Sometimes you can see clearly pieces that just aren't made for each other. That guy you like, mother, is like the guy whom you can see clearly, we aren't made for each other. I just can't see it. discomfort, mother.

He seems to be too....mature.. and soo... serious... So 'marriage-family' oriented.. I'm not ready for that. True I'm looking for a guy who I'm gonna marry, but he's a bit too serious. I still want to have fun for at least another 3 years.

But I don't want to jinx it... I may say I don't like him now, but if I do like him in the future, my puzzle pieces theory is then proven wrong.

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Enough about the doctor, now it's about the bio-chem guy. This guy.. been very persistent on pursuing me, but as for now, I can't see my future with him. I was very much insulted when he insulted the course I took in uni. So what if he took bio-chem? So what if I'm a designer? He hasn't got a job yet and it's been a year since he graduated, so dude, don't be too proud!

I might sound mean and cruel, but I have never liked this guy. I loved being his close friend, but nothing more than that. He's too proud and his words can be sooo hurtful. I told him these back then, but some people just don't listen.

Honestly, I had a crush on a different guy when this bio-chem guy was my close friend. So how could I have feelings for this bio-chem guy when I was so attracted to that other guy? I'm not a two-timer.

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And for this time being, I'd like to take a break from my roller coaster love life. I'll start fresh and new next year. I hope I can meet 'the one' by next year ;p, whoever he is. Surely God knows my type [realistic ofcourse].

Summer's Looking Good

2009-11-25T12:38:00.003+07:00

Summer's looking good!

Well, packing-up is a task that will surely consume a lot of my energy, but I'm still happy nevertheless.

I don't know what awaits me in Jakarta... But Lord, I pray so that whatever life has in store for me, it's going to be a good one! Real good one!

I know moving back to Jakarta is like walking on water... The journey is about to begin. Journey of Faith. I shall update about this later on.

In the meanwhile, I'm enjoying myself lazying around, going to city, cafes, packing-up, and excercising. Dang it feels good!! It's been awhile I haven't been this healthy and this happy.

Ouhhh..and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Briantorotorotorototototototototsibontot :P~~ I pray to God so you'll grow up to be a charming man of God and a prominent businessman hahahah :P

Summer's looking good!