It’s Now March 2022

Hello again diary, today I am already a 35 year old mom of 1 cheeky active daughter who is now 3 yrs old. I am married to Han, we have been married since 2016. It is also a stage where I found out my daughter has strong allergic reaction to house dust mites. I also got back my weight to 49kg. I was constantly stucked at 52kg before preggo and reached 63-64kg when giving birth through c sec. I am still doing interior design. I wouldn't say it's a smooth sailing marriage but God has been teaching me so much about surrenderance. I still have battle of thoughts, but I have learnt some newfound wisdom I guess... And btw I am now currently under self quarantine due to covid19 virus. I got infected. My ct was 28. That was on Friday night when the result came up. The symptoms were headaches, fever, body ache, then flu like symptoms. Covid has been around Indonesia i think since March 2020 when the govt decided to do a semi lock down. I think I will write a post on its own for covid experience and perhaps another post summing up my 3 year old daughter. Now let's just write what I have learnt so far until this point of my life: - Do not rush marriage - Observe your man's spending before you get married - Observe your man's leadership before you get married - You need to be at peace with your past so it does not haunt your marriage - Before you get angry and lash out nasty words, you point out the good things the other person has done, or the person's qualities. - Live a minimal life, and aim for clutter free life. Be more efficient. - Do not fall into money ponzi scheme. - Do not post any richness stuffs in ur social media pages. - Whatever you see in socmed might be fabricated. - Watch out for friends who alwaya talk about other friends in a gossipy way. thats all for now. I didnt switch on my air con, so it's hot now hahaha.

Summing up 2 years

Wow..it has been almost 2 years I haven't written anything in this blog but somehow the drive is just so strong for me to start writing again..

I believe God has changed me so much lately.. I started getting prophetic dreams again.. I started seeing Jesus in a different light..It's amazing how time flies and Jesus made me fly with Him to higher grounds..

Before I started to forget things, I will just write down what I have experienced so far..

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1. I started to understand God's grace. This is the main thing, the it thing that keeps me going. I didn't see God as judgmental anymore. I see God as the loving Father. I argued with Han over this. I told him God is just and so on and so on but truthfully I have been craving for that loving Father figure in my life that I saw God from my view of my own worldly father.

I forgot what Han did last time but i remembered it was night time. He braced the flood or something I totally forgot.. when Han looked at me in the car, and he said "It's alright, Nes." Then God's voice was so clear yet soft, He said "That's how much I love you, and so much more." BHAMM.! It got my heart sunk deep and that was the first time I knew God is showing me His love through Han. Han's love to me itself has been overwhelming. I was like a cold ice and Han's the sunshine and God made that sunshine. "That's how much I love you, and so much more."

2. Received prophesy from Ps Joshua Paul and Ps Chris Manusama..
Ps Joshua Paul mentioned I will cast off demons in buildings.. the spirit within me is much stronger, million times stronger than my physical body. I have the access key of Heaven :D, and the spirit of Deborah. He told me not to underestimate myself and that all the gifts in me are not mine.
Ps Chris Manusama mentioned I will write something to this generation, I will write God's message to this generation.. God will give me songs.. wow.. it was an amazing night I could not forget. I couldn't stop crying. God's presence was so mighty!

3. God entrusted me by becoming a Satellite Leader in FUSE. I was full of doubt, but God is moulding my heart.. God is moulding my character.. God has allowed me to see people changed for the better.

4. Experienced something crazy in Fuse Rendezfuse.. I was honored and privileged to be able to worship lead with Brian S during the Saturday night session. The session was meant to be for q+a on fuse, but it turned out to be full of praise and worship kind of night. God was speaking to individuals, there was no sermon involved..just praise and worship..it's like..God has different and specific message to each of them, including me. I remembered after the session done, people started to give me compliments like "Agnes, I'm so proud of u." "Agnes you're the best." But you know what, I didn' feel good. Back then, when people gave me compliments, I sneakily absorbed it myself. Like yes the glory belongs to Jesus but I kinda cheated on it, I took some for myself. That night, I felt like there's a shield, a layer in front of me that bounced back all the compliments. It's like..it prevents the compliments to go straight into me and feed my ego. It bounced back.. I felt it! Crazy! All glory to Jesus alone. It wasn't Agnes who led worship, it was The Holy Spirit.

5. I dreamt about Pau and Bert. I dreamt me and my sis were at this beach about to have a brunch. It was all white. The waitress and waiter wore white, white flags, white everything white. It was so peaceful and serene. The waitress ushered me and my sis to sit down , with our backs facing the shore. The table was rectangular and longg..like endlessly long. Then she gave me a list of people's names for me to choose to sit in front of me and my sis. I saw the list and I saw Pau and Bert's names. So I said to her "I pick Pau and Bert aja." I don't know why but I was driven to pick their names. As I waited for them, I saw Pau standing on the white bridge. She passed the bridge, she's at the same end of shore as I was but she was so quiet and did not move. Pau was waiting to be seated, but her face..was sad. Then the dream ends.

6. I have been reading on the book of John and 1 John - 3rd John..and I was wow-ed.. It really helps you know,..watching sermons, reading books on Jesus, then when we go back to the Bible, somehow every word comes alive! Currently I am reading the book of Mark. Book of James was amazing too.

Okay, will continue to write later. Today is fuse day!

Asking God with NO DOUBT

Good Morning Blog,

This morning verse is taken from James 1:5-6 about doubts when asking God - His favor.

It says "if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."

What I get from this verse is that if we ask God for His wisdom, His favor, you know..revelations upon revelations, we should be firm in our faith as well. When we ask, we should not doubt. It says if we doubted, then we were easily shaken by the wind, we would be easily driven by our circumstances that might seem too impossible for miracle to happen.

It really answers my worry this morning. The moment I woke up, I thought of work straightaway, I thought of the uncertainty I might face later, and yet I have been asking God to really be on my side because I'm so scared - to be honest -. And All these times I've been asking for God's wisdom, but whenever things turned out bad/beyond my expectation, I would worry so much and stressed out about it. This verse talks to me to be confident in God, to be confident in what God can do to turn my mistakes around, to hinder me from complicated situations because He's going to give me His wisdom generously and His wisdom is all that I need to survive in this world. His wisdom is the start of everything, it's the cornerstone of my career, my love life, my family life, my speech, my works, my gestures, everything! God doesn't want me to doubt His power, God doesn't like me using my own strength and forgetting that everything is from God.

Btw, the meeting went quite well last Friday..quite a surprise. Thank you God!!!

All From God

I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— 1 Corinthians 1:4-5 NIV

Good Morning Blog,

Today's devotion comes from this particular verse. I had to make a quick one because I'm going for a really big meeting very very soon..in probably 5 to 10minutes from now.

From this verse, I learnt that all my speech, the ones that bring motivation, the good ones ofcourse come from God. Enriched by God. All of my knowledge and all of my speech are from God and that is because God's grace is sufficient in my life. I am nothing. I am just like a dust in the wind. But God took me in and made me special. He made me a life of purpose. He made my life BIG. All that I have, all of my talents are not mine, they're of God's - planting those skills, those talents in me -very particularly- so I can make them of good use, so I can use them to glorify His Name, so I can use them to help others.

Dear God,

Today's meeting belongs to You. My speech belongs to You, my knowledge belongs to You. I know You will take care of the meeting, I know You will take in charge and help us. God let Your will be done in the meeting, and let Your will be done in my life.


Amen.

B R A N D E D B A G S

Branded bags don't define my life.

Branded bags don't define my happiness.

Branded bags are just....bags!

..With some nice touch to it, with some very very good material glued and stitched to each other, with some lovely smart design creation...Yes to me, some of them look beautiful..But again, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. 

..And I'm gonna say this..that..as much as branded bags seem so luxuriously exclusive, it does not define our class in God's eyes. And if I get married one day and my husband is not as rich as some World's top billionaire who could buy me 5 branded bags in a month or sth, I don't care..seriously. I'd rather save my savings for other things. I'd rather have my husband save his money for our kids' school fee. I'd rather use the same 5 bags over and over again, but I know I have a good home, I know my husband and kids are well taken care of, and I could do some help saving our income for future project investments.

It's about those branded bags that people here in Jakarta are mad about..that I'm quite sick of. 

I mean, they really could go mad about those pretty bags and act like their bags.

In their eyes, their branded bags are like ..the superficial expensive elegant thing and they transform their make up , their style, the way they walk, the way they pose to meet up with the bags' standard/expectation. One question: what if those bags are taken away ? Or, what if your husband later, can't buy you bags no more? Bags have sadly define so many people's life...women..especially...

Seriously.. I'd rather be who I am. It's not me who's going to fit the bag's image, but the bag is going to fit my image. I think..if you're pretty on the inside, you'll look pretty on the outside, despite those bags. You should be the one who shine more than your bags.

Truthfully I dislike faux branded bags..that's like..cheating, but oh well, it's people's choice. I prefer buying the original ones, even if it's second hand it doesn't matter as long as it's original. But buying those bags are not because I want to raise up my lifestyle or something, but it's about function. Like say, I buy them because they're of excellent quality, very nice design, and very useful in many occasions. I don't buy them and pose like "Hey, I just bought this, look, I can buy this expensive thing! I'm so rich! I have a rich papa!" No No No.. in my eyes, they do look good and if I have the spare money, why not? If I don't then I won't borrow anyone's money just to buy branded bags.

Even if those bags are not expensive, I would still buy if: materials excellent, very nice design, and very useful/ versatile. 

To me what's important when choosing a bag also is: it has to meet my personality, and not the other way round.

Okay, enough screaming out my thoughts on branded bags and how I'm quite sick hearing and looking at people comparing their bags to their friends/colleagues/people in the mall. That's like..seriously, the least important thing anyone should do (ofcourse I say this because I'm not much of a big fan of branded bags - just some personal opinion and life principles here).

My Life Progress So Far

Dear God and Blog,

It's been 4 months and counting to 5 months of relationship with my H. :).
I cannot thank God enough for bringing me to him. The fact that he showed up at the right time, with the right character and loving heart to me, I'm just speechlesss. God has really made me speechless... This guy loves me without boundaries.. I'm currently suffering from measles..sucks.. but despite of my swollen ugly face and red dots skin, he still hugs me, holds my hand, and even ask me to plant a kiss on his cheek..He's not worried he'll get sick..and it doesn't turn him off seeing my sick body.. He even massage my feet...God, where else can I found such a guy???

He loves me to the core.. I can see that now.. He's been telling me that he loves me too much but I was like..yeah okayy ..and now this is the proof of his love to me.. taking care of me when I'm sick and looking horrible..He's tired from work and other daily chores , yet he still manages to find time to take care of me..He still wants to mingle with my family.. God..thank you for showing Your love through him..thank you for showing me how much a true love can give...

God I love this man of Yours..

And in terms of my fellowship with my friends.. I thank God for putting me in FUSE. Not just that they're mutual friends of me and H, but this is a Christian community where we could really grow together as a family. I have been involved as a worship leader and H has been involved as the guitarist..it's fun and really enjoyable as a couple, to be able to serve God in the same community, where we can really call this our ministry.

As for my family, I'm still praying over it.. It's not as bad as before but I believe God hears the brokenhearted :) ..I don't know how..i'm too stupid to digest God's plan for this family but all i know and i believe is God will never abandon my family and he's doing the impossible for men. He's shaping my family in such a way, doesn't matter how long it may take, but he's shaping it according to his wonderful plan full of goodness, full of mercy, humility, and joy.

As for my work, I have to admit I'm kind of overwhelmed with my tasks.. I do have dreams that haven't been realized yet..and I'm still praying for them..

I want to open up a bakery stall for mom and sis..
I want to do well in property..
I want to publish my songs..
I want to have my charity organization..
I want to write a book..
I want to raise my kids and have a happy family..

So far..the measles still bothering me..but I guess sick is the only time I can get rest..
So I'm about to read Robert Kiyosaki's book..plus watching movie from bro's laptop..
so itchyyyy..

God..I need a speedy recovery...

When work meets friends..

There will always be that awkward moments when friends are using your service. Fee negotiating, and stuffs.. How I wish I don't have to deal with such delicate matter.. But I have to.. It's part of promoting my works and commitment and show my friends my professionalism.. But it's not easy..not as easy as it sounds..hmmmm..

Anyway,

Thank you God for this beautiful morning..
Let Your favor be upon me..
May Your mercy and grace follows me wherever I go.
Please forgive my wrongdoings..
Let me be Your intercessor, God.
Amen.