Longing for December
Thesis is driving me lazy
Time is ticking in speed
Still holding tight to my dear thesis
But often dream about the near future plans
God please grant me imaginative solutions to my project
I shall do my best in this final year of tertiary edu
About to enter a new life after uni
How exciting it must be
I just need to finish thesis and exam
And I'll be jumping like crazy!
End of Year trip, wait for me!
:D
Monday, October 5, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Female's Dignity
How many friendships, relationships, and marriages crashed due to these complicated beings: FEMALE.
How many people tend to hear just from one side of the story because of pity/attraction to these seducing beings: FEMALE.
Why did Adam leave Eden?
Okay, it's not Eve, just the satan, I know I know.
But how easy was it for satan to lure Eve? We (females) aren't better than the Flintstone's era women nor the mother of all female beings. We claim ourselves to be saved by the Lord, the daughters of the Most High, yet we're hand in hand with satan's soft whispers that swim thru our veins, minds and hearts so damn smoothly easy.
Common girls BAD behavioural problems which allow satan to sneak in and swim freely in OUR soul:
- Telling others the secrets of others for the fun of it. Where has trust gone?
- We pulled out a guy's money in his pocket as cheeky as we can so we benefit the most. Where has our dignity gone?
- We break friendships for the sake of a guy. Oh, come on! that's so high-school.
- We break marriages for the sake of money and lust. Karma will soon follow *sigh.
- We spiced up problems, and make conclusion based on one side of the story. Where has justice gone? Don't get involved to deep with her/his personal issues [ for only GOd knows who's Right and Wrong].
- We talk sweet in public to your normal hang-out friends, yet we gossip about them behind their backs. So are we a friend or what?
- We let 10 guys fall for us, get what we want, and leave them. Trust me, they'll leave us before we leave them.
- We know guys' weaknesses, yet we feed them without thinking consequences. We're not helping here at all.
- We think we're the prettiest and the cutest and the smartest and the friendliest. We should wake up and get our act together!
- We compare and contrast ourselves with other girls of who's prettier, who's more talented and so on. If one is more talented, we judge her for being arrogant in displaying her skills [this is just an example]. We too often judge way too quickly without proofs. Where has love and appreciation gone??
We've got to be able to say NO or YES to where our thoughts are leading us! Learn from now before more friendships, relationships, and marriages are torn apart by US.
Let's have some dignity, girls! Tell the world that we aren't taking the fragility of Eve's soul lured by the satan's whisper!
We are taking Eve's spirit of being reliable helpers and every other positive things we can learn from many aspiring Eve's clan representatives throughout the centuries [ Obvious persona: Queen Esther, Ruth of Boaz, Judge Hilda, Mary of Joseph, Queen Victoria of Prince Albert, Mother Teresa, and other influential women across nations].
We Can Make A Difference and Be Aspiring Women!
: )
How many people tend to hear just from one side of the story because of pity/attraction to these seducing beings: FEMALE.
Why did Adam leave Eden?
Okay, it's not Eve, just the satan, I know I know.
But how easy was it for satan to lure Eve? We (females) aren't better than the Flintstone's era women nor the mother of all female beings. We claim ourselves to be saved by the Lord, the daughters of the Most High, yet we're hand in hand with satan's soft whispers that swim thru our veins, minds and hearts so damn smoothly easy.
Common girls BAD behavioural problems which allow satan to sneak in and swim freely in OUR soul:
- Telling others the secrets of others for the fun of it. Where has trust gone?
- We pulled out a guy's money in his pocket as cheeky as we can so we benefit the most. Where has our dignity gone?
- We break friendships for the sake of a guy. Oh, come on! that's so high-school.
- We break marriages for the sake of money and lust. Karma will soon follow *sigh.
- We spiced up problems, and make conclusion based on one side of the story. Where has justice gone? Don't get involved to deep with her/his personal issues [ for only GOd knows who's Right and Wrong].
- We talk sweet in public to your normal hang-out friends, yet we gossip about them behind their backs. So are we a friend or what?
- We let 10 guys fall for us, get what we want, and leave them. Trust me, they'll leave us before we leave them.
- We know guys' weaknesses, yet we feed them without thinking consequences. We're not helping here at all.
- We think we're the prettiest and the cutest and the smartest and the friendliest. We should wake up and get our act together!
- We compare and contrast ourselves with other girls of who's prettier, who's more talented and so on. If one is more talented, we judge her for being arrogant in displaying her skills [this is just an example]. We too often judge way too quickly without proofs. Where has love and appreciation gone??
We've got to be able to say NO or YES to where our thoughts are leading us! Learn from now before more friendships, relationships, and marriages are torn apart by US.
Let's have some dignity, girls! Tell the world that we aren't taking the fragility of Eve's soul lured by the satan's whisper!
We are taking Eve's spirit of being reliable helpers and every other positive things we can learn from many aspiring Eve's clan representatives throughout the centuries [ Obvious persona: Queen Esther, Ruth of Boaz, Judge Hilda, Mary of Joseph, Queen Victoria of Prince Albert, Mother Teresa, and other influential women across nations].
We Can Make A Difference and Be Aspiring Women!
: )
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Dad and Me
My dad hasn't been a warm figure to me.
He wasn't home when I was on my energetic mood ready to play. Late at night, He came home and found me sleeping. He was too tired to think of a convo with his little girl and I was too scared of approaching this stranger - my Dad.
I grew up with a babysitter's love. Mum has loved me dearly through toys and food, whatever money can buy. Dad has loved me dearly through Mum.
Things got ugly. I learnt to hate, I learnt to take sides. And Dad was always the target of all the scars in the family. Blame me? Selfish me? Well, I didn't know him..Is he even part of the family? Is he just the money provider? What's a Dad? Who is Dad? Is Dad important?
We had an ugly big argument when I was just 16. My mouth deserved a nasty slap, but he never did. Since then, I rarely talked to him, it's like having an enemy under the same roof. I hated it.
I thank God for his grace and forgiveness unto my life. As I grow up I've learnt how to love, I've learnt how to be neutral and put myself in Dad's shoes. And Dad never again the target of all the scars in the family. I thought to myself for years with silence but noise in my heart, "If he couldn't find love in the family, he might as well look for it elsewhere." Right? Right. But I had no guts to make the first move until the days came when he texted, phoned me and said "I love you." But it felt so weird and cheeazzy..
I hesitated to reply and just said "Yeah. Ok. Bye."
I envy daddy's girls... Why I couldn't be like them? Mine seemed so far and so cold.
Then I shared my bitter memories with Dad to the "Strawberries" girls and I thank Christine for her light-bulb enlightening advice - write a letter to Dad and just blurted out your heart. If it weren't because of God's voice through her advice, I would never enjoy beautiful moments I'm having now with Dad. I thank Joan for sharing her 'daddy girls' stories and it helped me put back on hope of a restored healthy daddy-daughter relationship.. I thank Fanny as well for her continuous support..if it weren't because her constant noddings I wouldn't be 100% convinced to write the letter straight away that night and sent it a.s.a.p.
Christine suggested me to crunch my pride, for the experience of daddy's love and the restoration gives much greater satisfaction than keeping my nose high. So I crunched it and I'm experiencing a daddy-daughter relationship that's in its healing process.
First thing Dad said when he saw me 2 weeks ago was "Thank you for the letter." he smiled gently, and I pretended like everything's cool (although I actually had no idea what to reply, what to act and so on) :P.
My Dad feels like a different Dad. He makes silly-sometimes-not-funny jokes with me. He discusses with me stuffs he never discussed before. He supports my thoughts and decisions. I have been bewildered, I still can't believe this is the same person, the same Dad I've been having for 22 years.
I said sorry in the letter...I tried to understand his way of thinking but I never could. And now, as I grow up, I began to understand and I started to appreciate his position in the family, admire his characters and I'm just thankful for his coolness, calmness, jayusness and so on.
The main message of the story is to: crunch your pride when it comes to family, because what you'll gain is so much more valuable than what you're holding.
He wasn't home when I was on my energetic mood ready to play. Late at night, He came home and found me sleeping. He was too tired to think of a convo with his little girl and I was too scared of approaching this stranger - my Dad.
I grew up with a babysitter's love. Mum has loved me dearly through toys and food, whatever money can buy. Dad has loved me dearly through Mum.
Things got ugly. I learnt to hate, I learnt to take sides. And Dad was always the target of all the scars in the family. Blame me? Selfish me? Well, I didn't know him..Is he even part of the family? Is he just the money provider? What's a Dad? Who is Dad? Is Dad important?
We had an ugly big argument when I was just 16. My mouth deserved a nasty slap, but he never did. Since then, I rarely talked to him, it's like having an enemy under the same roof. I hated it.
I thank God for his grace and forgiveness unto my life. As I grow up I've learnt how to love, I've learnt how to be neutral and put myself in Dad's shoes. And Dad never again the target of all the scars in the family. I thought to myself for years with silence but noise in my heart, "If he couldn't find love in the family, he might as well look for it elsewhere." Right? Right. But I had no guts to make the first move until the days came when he texted, phoned me and said "I love you." But it felt so weird and cheeazzy..
I hesitated to reply and just said "Yeah. Ok. Bye."
I envy daddy's girls... Why I couldn't be like them? Mine seemed so far and so cold.
Then I shared my bitter memories with Dad to the "Strawberries" girls and I thank Christine for her light-bulb enlightening advice - write a letter to Dad and just blurted out your heart. If it weren't because of God's voice through her advice, I would never enjoy beautiful moments I'm having now with Dad. I thank Joan for sharing her 'daddy girls' stories and it helped me put back on hope of a restored healthy daddy-daughter relationship.. I thank Fanny as well for her continuous support..if it weren't because her constant noddings I wouldn't be 100% convinced to write the letter straight away that night and sent it a.s.a.p.
Christine suggested me to crunch my pride, for the experience of daddy's love and the restoration gives much greater satisfaction than keeping my nose high. So I crunched it and I'm experiencing a daddy-daughter relationship that's in its healing process.
First thing Dad said when he saw me 2 weeks ago was "Thank you for the letter." he smiled gently, and I pretended like everything's cool (although I actually had no idea what to reply, what to act and so on) :P.
My Dad feels like a different Dad. He makes silly-sometimes-not-funny jokes with me. He discusses with me stuffs he never discussed before. He supports my thoughts and decisions. I have been bewildered, I still can't believe this is the same person, the same Dad I've been having for 22 years.
I said sorry in the letter...I tried to understand his way of thinking but I never could. And now, as I grow up, I began to understand and I started to appreciate his position in the family, admire his characters and I'm just thankful for his coolness, calmness, jayusness and so on.
The main message of the story is to: crunch your pride when it comes to family, because what you'll gain is so much more valuable than what you're holding.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wondering...
Underneath a cloudy gray sky
A bird keeps on trying and try
To equip itself with healthy wings and body
It is trying to fix its scratched right wing
And as time goes by, the wound is in its process of healing
Pleasure to its knowing, it just feels like a great adventure ahead is waiting
So the bird thought the left wing will always be okay
Never in a good shape, but the bird reckon' it's gonna be all right
All right for yesterdays and the cloudy evening
All bad for the night's relentless hail and the coming pouring rain at dawn
Cuddling itself in its little nest
It wonders when it will fly
perfectly underneath the bright blue sky...
A bird keeps on trying and try
To equip itself with healthy wings and body
It is trying to fix its scratched right wing
And as time goes by, the wound is in its process of healing
Pleasure to its knowing, it just feels like a great adventure ahead is waiting
So the bird thought the left wing will always be okay
Never in a good shape, but the bird reckon' it's gonna be all right
All right for yesterdays and the cloudy evening
All bad for the night's relentless hail and the coming pouring rain at dawn
Cuddling itself in its little nest
It wonders when it will fly
perfectly underneath the bright blue sky...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Back to the First-Love
The night was quiet, and Hosanna was playing from my Windows Media Player. I prayed to God and asked if there's any special book He wanted me to read for our midnite 'date'. I was getting sleepy, so I grabbed anything that came first to mind and that was the Book of Revelation. Flicking through the chapters, I found chapter 2 as an interesting starting point. The words that jumped and talked to me are:
4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.(Revelation 2:4-5)
Somehow I felt like I was strucked to the ground from that 'height'. I flashed back a little on the first year of me knowing Jesus. It was back in 2000 and I was so on fire that I could write diary to Him every single night, talked to Him every single day, imagining His presence, communicate with Him just like a little kid, and .. it was in deed a beautiful year between me and God.
Now I have become someone who probably have the 'position' and 'recognition'. Not trying to showing off here and there, but I've heard how people know me as a girl with 'nice voice', or 'piano girl' or 'the good girl', and it's not rare I heard friends saying 'if agnes is playing, what would worry me?' ... Hearing those compliments boosted my self-esteem, but hang on a minute! It seemed like I enjoyed them in the wrong way... at times.
I believe in God's annointing, and I believe God is annointing everyone who seeks up to Him, therefore, God's lampstand is in each everyone of us. But He said it will be removed if I don't repent. Repent and do the things I did when I first know Him...
The things I did: poured my 100% heart to Him, without thinking too much, without thinking too logicly, I accept Him and worship Him truly for who He is. I realised as I grew older, I've learnt how sometimes Bible doesn't really make sense at times, and I've grown to fancy science over religion. This is my pit fall.
Trained in a course where I'm expected to think like a free-thinker, I've begun to question my own Creator's existence and truth. I realised this is my arrogance point. God must have been hurt... After all these amazing years I went through with Him and I'm still questioning Him? After all the attacks against demons, after all the dreams, after all the blessings..... Shame on me! Where is my first-love? Where are those beautiful moments I had with Him back then?
Repent Agnes.. Seek the purest of the pure.. Back to the First-Love. Back to the First Love.
4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.(Revelation 2:4-5)
Somehow I felt like I was strucked to the ground from that 'height'. I flashed back a little on the first year of me knowing Jesus. It was back in 2000 and I was so on fire that I could write diary to Him every single night, talked to Him every single day, imagining His presence, communicate with Him just like a little kid, and .. it was in deed a beautiful year between me and God.
Now I have become someone who probably have the 'position' and 'recognition'. Not trying to showing off here and there, but I've heard how people know me as a girl with 'nice voice', or 'piano girl' or 'the good girl', and it's not rare I heard friends saying 'if agnes is playing, what would worry me?' ... Hearing those compliments boosted my self-esteem, but hang on a minute! It seemed like I enjoyed them in the wrong way... at times.
I believe in God's annointing, and I believe God is annointing everyone who seeks up to Him, therefore, God's lampstand is in each everyone of us. But He said it will be removed if I don't repent. Repent and do the things I did when I first know Him...
The things I did: poured my 100% heart to Him, without thinking too much, without thinking too logicly, I accept Him and worship Him truly for who He is. I realised as I grew older, I've learnt how sometimes Bible doesn't really make sense at times, and I've grown to fancy science over religion. This is my pit fall.
Trained in a course where I'm expected to think like a free-thinker, I've begun to question my own Creator's existence and truth. I realised this is my arrogance point. God must have been hurt... After all these amazing years I went through with Him and I'm still questioning Him? After all the attacks against demons, after all the dreams, after all the blessings..... Shame on me! Where is my first-love? Where are those beautiful moments I had with Him back then?
Repent Agnes.. Seek the purest of the pure.. Back to the First-Love. Back to the First Love.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A thought of you
Here's a lyrics which crossed my mind just now for a song which not sure am gonna complete:
I heard someone mentioned his name today...
Why is that everytime I hear his name, my heart beats a little faster...
Although he seems so far...
But I'm still attracted to him...
When will we meet again? I wonder...
So Mr Attractive,
Is it just me or is it true that we mutually like each other?
I have no courage to step forward
I have always been here waiting casting shadows for you
I don't know how many hands have you hold before me
I don't want to know your past love life either
Your past doesn't bother me, because it's you that I like...
This is just a thought of you ...
I thought if we're apart then this feeling would die slowly...
But I think the flame never dies...
I heard someone mentioned his name today...
Why is that everytime I hear his name, my heart beats a little faster...
Although he seems so far...
But I'm still attracted to him...
When will we meet again? I wonder...
So Mr Attractive,
Is it just me or is it true that we mutually like each other?
I have no courage to step forward
I have always been here waiting casting shadows for you
I don't know how many hands have you hold before me
I don't want to know your past love life either
Your past doesn't bother me, because it's you that I like...
This is just a thought of you ...
I thought if we're apart then this feeling would die slowly...
But I think the flame never dies...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)