S t a l k

I'm loosing temper on this matter.

Stop stalking me.

It is a shameful act.

Wondering...

Underneath a cloudy gray sky
A bird keeps on trying and try
To equip itself with healthy wings and body

It is trying to fix its scratched right wing
And as time goes by, the wound is in its process of healing
Pleasure to its knowing, it just feels like a great adventure ahead is waiting

So the bird thought the left wing will always be okay
Never in a good shape, but the bird reckon' it's gonna be all right

All right for yesterdays and the cloudy evening
All bad for the night's relentless hail and the coming pouring rain at dawn

Cuddling itself in its little nest
It wonders when it will fly
perfectly underneath the bright blue sky...

Back to the First-Love

The night was quiet, and Hosanna was playing from my Windows Media Player. I prayed to God and asked if there's any special book He wanted me to read for our midnite 'date'. I was getting sleepy, so I grabbed anything that came first to mind and that was the Book of Revelation. Flicking through the chapters, I found chapter 2 as an interesting starting point. The words that jumped and talked to me are:

⁴Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. ⁵Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.(Revelation 2:4-5)

Somehow I felt like I was strucked to the ground from that 'height'. I flashed back a little on the first year of me knowing Jesus. It was back in 2000 and I was so on fire that I could write diary to Him every single night, talked to Him every single day, imagining His presence, communicate with Him just like a little kid, and .. it was in deed a beautiful year between me and God.

Now I have become someone who probably have the 'position' and 'recognition'. Not trying to showing off here and there, but I've heard how people know me as a girl with 'nice voice', or 'piano girl' or 'the good girl', and it's not rare I heard friends saying 'if agnes is playing, what would worry me?' ... Hearing those compliments boosted my self-esteem, but hang on a minute! It seemed like I enjoyed them in the wrong way... at times.

I believe in God's annointing, and I believe God is annointing everyone who seeks up to Him, therefore, God's lampstand is in each everyone of us. But He said it will be removed if I don't repent. Repent and do the things I did when I first know Him...

The things I did: poured my 100% heart to Him, without thinking too much, without thinking too logicly, I accept Him and worship Him truly for who He is. I realised as I grew older, I've learnt how sometimes Bible doesn't really make sense at times, and I've grown to fancy science over religion. This is my pit fall.

Trained in a course where I'm expected to think like a free-thinker, I've begun to question my own Creator's existence and truth. I realised this is my arrogance point. God must have been hurt... After all these amazing years I went through with Him and I'm still questioning Him? After all the attacks against demons, after all the dreams, after all the blessings..... Shame on me! Where is my first-love? Where are those beautiful moments I had with Him back then?

Repent Agnes.. Seek the purest of the pure.. Back to the First-Love. Back to the First Love.

A thought of you

Here's a lyrics which crossed my mind just now for a song which not sure am gonna complete:



I heard someone mentioned his name today...
Why is that everytime I hear his name, my heart beats a little faster...
Although he seems so far...
But I'm still attracted to him...

When will we meet again? I wonder...

So Mr Attractive,

Is it just me or is it true that we mutually like each other?
I have no courage to step forward
I have always been here waiting casting shadows for you

I don't know how many hands have you hold before me
I don't want to know your past love life either
Your past doesn't bother me, because it's you that I like...

This is just a thought of you ...
I thought if we're apart then this feeling would die slowly...
But I think the flame never dies...