Back to the First-Love

The night was quiet, and Hosanna was playing from my Windows Media Player. I prayed to God and asked if there's any special book He wanted me to read for our midnite 'date'. I was getting sleepy, so I grabbed anything that came first to mind and that was the Book of Revelation. Flicking through the chapters, I found chapter 2 as an interesting starting point. The words that jumped and talked to me are:

⁴Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. ⁵Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.(Revelation 2:4-5)

Somehow I felt like I was strucked to the ground from that 'height'. I flashed back a little on the first year of me knowing Jesus. It was back in 2000 and I was so on fire that I could write diary to Him every single night, talked to Him every single day, imagining His presence, communicate with Him just like a little kid, and .. it was in deed a beautiful year between me and God.

Now I have become someone who probably have the 'position' and 'recognition'. Not trying to showing off here and there, but I've heard how people know me as a girl with 'nice voice', or 'piano girl' or 'the good girl', and it's not rare I heard friends saying 'if agnes is playing, what would worry me?' ... Hearing those compliments boosted my self-esteem, but hang on a minute! It seemed like I enjoyed them in the wrong way... at times.

I believe in God's annointing, and I believe God is annointing everyone who seeks up to Him, therefore, God's lampstand is in each everyone of us. But He said it will be removed if I don't repent. Repent and do the things I did when I first know Him...

The things I did: poured my 100% heart to Him, without thinking too much, without thinking too logicly, I accept Him and worship Him truly for who He is. I realised as I grew older, I've learnt how sometimes Bible doesn't really make sense at times, and I've grown to fancy science over religion. This is my pit fall.

Trained in a course where I'm expected to think like a free-thinker, I've begun to question my own Creator's existence and truth. I realised this is my arrogance point. God must have been hurt... After all these amazing years I went through with Him and I'm still questioning Him? After all the attacks against demons, after all the dreams, after all the blessings..... Shame on me! Where is my first-love? Where are those beautiful moments I had with Him back then?

Repent Agnes.. Seek the purest of the pure.. Back to the First-Love. Back to the First Love.