Dad and Me

My dad hasn't been a warm figure to me.

He wasn't home when I was on my energetic mood ready to play. Late at night, He came home and found me sleeping. He was too tired to think of a convo with his little girl and I was too scared of approaching this stranger - my Dad.

I grew up with a babysitter's love. Mum has loved me dearly through toys and food, whatever money can buy. Dad has loved me dearly through Mum.

Things got ugly. I learnt to hate, I learnt to take sides. And Dad was always the target of all the scars in the family. Blame me? Selfish me? Well, I didn't know him..Is he even part of the family? Is he just the money provider? What's a Dad? Who is Dad? Is Dad important?

We had an ugly big argument when I was just 16. My mouth deserved a nasty slap, but he never did. Since then, I rarely talked to him, it's like having an enemy under the same roof. I hated it.

I thank God for his grace and forgiveness unto my life. As I grow up I've learnt how to love, I've learnt how to be neutral and put myself in Dad's shoes. And Dad never again the target of all the scars in the family. I thought to myself for years with silence but noise in my heart, "If he couldn't find love in the family, he might as well look for it elsewhere." Right? Right. But I had no guts to make the first move until the days came when he texted, phoned me and said "I love you." But it felt so weird and cheeazzy..

I hesitated to reply and just said "Yeah. Ok. Bye."

I envy daddy's girls... Why I couldn't be like them? Mine seemed so far and so cold.

Then I shared my bitter memories with Dad to the "Strawberries" girls and I thank Christine for her light-bulb enlightening advice - write a letter to Dad and just blurted out your heart. If it weren't because of God's voice through her advice, I would never enjoy beautiful moments I'm having now with Dad. I thank Joan for sharing her 'daddy girls' stories and it helped me put back on hope of a restored healthy daddy-daughter relationship.. I thank Fanny as well for her continuous support..if it weren't because her constant noddings I wouldn't be 100% convinced to write the letter straight away that night and sent it a.s.a.p.

Christine suggested me to crunch my pride, for the experience of daddy's love and the restoration gives much greater satisfaction than keeping my nose high. So I crunched it and I'm experiencing a daddy-daughter relationship that's in its healing process.

First thing Dad said when he saw me 2 weeks ago was "Thank you for the letter." he smiled gently, and I pretended like everything's cool (although I actually had no idea what to reply, what to act and so on) :P.

My Dad feels like a different Dad. He makes silly-sometimes-not-funny jokes with me. He discusses with me stuffs he never discussed before. He supports my thoughts and decisions. I have been bewildered, I still can't believe this is the same person, the same Dad I've been having for 22 years.

I said sorry in the letter...I tried to understand his way of thinking but I never could. And now, as I grow up, I began to understand and I started to appreciate his position in the family, admire his characters and I'm just thankful for his coolness, calmness, jayusness and so on.

The main message of the story is to: crunch your pride when it comes to family, because what you'll gain is so much more valuable than what you're holding.